The Dead Man's What?
by Obi wan Kanoli
Summary: Esme's back! And she's at it again! This time she's out to help her old friend Jack, or is she? POTC/LOTR crossover. Might want to read the first, first, or not.
1. Chapter 1

The Dead Man's What?

**Author's Note: ** I'm back! I know you're excited for the sequel! Ok I lied, I don't know if you are or not, but I am! I suppose I should place a disclaimer up here should I not? Well here you go.

I own absolutely nothing except the figments of my imagination, i.e. Esmeralda. There, happy now?

Chapter One: Soldier say what?

**Esme POV**

"Esme, land ho." Not this again. Bart, I'm going to murder him slowly, and painfully. He really has to get it into his head, I"m captain, I know what I'm doing!

"_Hannon lle_." (Thank you.) I could feel my eye twitching. I need a vacation away from the rat.

"Breathe, we'll hit land soon, and then you can throttle him, not now though, not yet." I smiled when I felt Legolas' arms snake around my waist, I bet it was more to keep me from chasing Bart around the deck than anything.

"How surprised do you think Aragorn's going to be to see us?" Its been almost ten years since we last saw our Kingly Ranger, and a lot has changed. Actually I lied, not from this end, maybe his. "I wonder how many children he had Arwen pop out?" I heard Legolas make a strange noise and I turned and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Funny how I should be used to such speech coming from you, but I'm not." I winked. He didn't know the half of it. 'What I'm really curious about, is whether William and Elizabeth got married." I snorted, leave it to him to care about that kinda stuff.

"Ah who cares, I never really liked her a lot. Ok, not at all." Legolas continued to stare at me with his eyebrow raised. 'Ok I hated her, happy now?" He nodded before walking over to Edward who was washing the deck. Stupid blighter, always making me feel like an idiot. By the time we had reached the wharf it was dark, and I had already succeed in tripping over Edward's pail. Just my luck really.

"Walk much?"Edward snarled, trying to fix the mess I had made of his cleaning, I smirked at him, and shook my boot spraying water in his face.

"No, I usually hitch a ride, but since none were available, I had to take the second choice." I patted him on the head and walked over the the rail. "Well here goes nothing, coming Legolas?"

'Already on solid ground." He waved at me, wow I really wasn't paying attention.

"Thanks for telling me you were leaving butt face." I quickly joined him and linked arms, before waltzing up the levels of Minas tirith to reach the Citadel. "Boy, I can't wait to see Aragorn's face when we show up!" Legolas chuckled and mumbled something about me being a little kid, I stuck my tongue out at him in reply. So what if I proved his point. 'TO THE CITADEL!" I pointed ahead and marched with my head arched back, I heard Legolas warn me of something, but I didn't listen. I ran right into some woman carrying a tray of the nastiest things I'd ever seen, they were like human toes but not really. I think one just went down my dress ,excuse me while I go die won't you?

"Calm down!" He grabbed me and stopped me from my current state of running in circle screaming obscenities of how disgusting that was. It took me a minute to gather my breathe back, the woman was still trying to gather her fallen toes. Yuck. 'Better?" I nodded, he shook his head and grabbed my hand again. What would I do with out him? Ok don't answer that, it would probably be something very bad.

O0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"ARAGORN! Did you miss me!" I smiled as large as I could at the poor man looking startled, for lack of better word. Legolas was standing, docile as a rock beside me, smiling at his long time friend. Poor Aragorn's chest was heaving up and down in surprise, I love that feeling.

"Where did you come from?" He was still trying to catch his breath.

'That's all your going to say after not seeing me for ten years? I feel unloved Aragorn." I pouted until he stood laughing to give me a hug. Yeah, I'm a sap for that. 'Well to answer you're question, we just sailed in from Barbados, a couple hundred leagues south of Tortuga." He nodded at me and turned to Legolas.

"You're tan." I couldn't' help but start laughing, honestly, who says that? Legolas laughed as well before embracing him in hug. "So, how is the sea life treating you, more precisely, Esme treating you?" I glared at him and crossed my arms, Legolas smiled at me.

"Well, I hate the ship, I hate the people on the ship, I hate the ocean, but most of all, I hate Esme bossing me around all the time." I opened my mouth in protest before Legolas kissed me on the temple. "I'm only joking Esme, don't get angry." Thats what I though fat head.

"Sounds like you're getting along fairly well." Aragorn smirked at Legolas before turning back to his throne. Don't think I didn't catch that little display of testosterone they shared just then.

"Enough about us, you tell us what's happening here on the mainland?" I'm going to at least act like I'm interested.

"Not much actually. I have two sons, one of which is turning ten tomorrow, the other is two." So we had missed something. 'I should hope you can stay that long, I deem he would find it quite an honor to have the two of you there, especially after all the tales he's heard." Aragorn smiled, I started to blush.

'I should only hope that he only hear the good ones." Aragorn laughed and nodded, then looked over my shoulder, I followed his direction and turned to see two little kids poking their heads out from around the column. Speak of the devil. Literally, I hate children. "Aren't you two supposed to be out in the gardens with your mother?" He was practically cooing at them, I looked at Legolas and it took all my restraint not to start laughing. Aragorn, one of the Dunadains, the king of Minas Tirith, was cooing.

"They were, we though we heard voices and decided to come see who it was, isn't that right Thain?" The youngest one walked forward nodding at Arwen, sucking his thumb. Remind me not to come near him, I really don't want his slobber all over me. I smiled at Arwen as she picked him up and walked towards me. 'To what do we owe this spontaneous visit?"

'We missed you all so much!" I grinned like a mad man, succeeding in making the little brat giggle. I stuck my hand out at him, he just stared from it to me."I'm Esme, and you are?" He made some gurgling noises and didn't reply.

'This is Thain, and the one hiding over there is Eladrion. 'Aragorn walked forward and placed his hand on Thain's head and kissed Arwen. They were really cute for an old couple.

'Well Thain, I better start you're training early.' he gurgled some more, I smiled and pointed at Legolas. 'You see that pointed eared nancing elf over there, he's Legolas. He's really lame." I heard Eladrion laugh while Legolas scoffed before walking over to us, I winked at Eladrion who had yet to come from the column.

'You know, insults are not very nice, especially if the person in question is right behind you." he grabbed me and started tickling me until I was crying from laughing. 'Yield?"

'NEVER!" I continued to try to get him to stop, he finally did but I don't think it was because of my merciful pleading. I sat up to see Eladrion laughing and sitting atop the Prince of Mirkwood, who was sprawled on the floor in the most ungraceful manner I've ever seen. I could hear Aragorn and Arwen laughing as well, the little blighter liked me already, I feel loved.

"I got him now! Papa! Did you see it! I took out the Prince of Mirkwood! He's not that tough!" Eladrion stood and ran to his father as Legolas shared a look with me, I couldn't help, that little tyke was quite the comedian.

"So it would seen Eladrion." Aragorn smirked at the elf still sitting on the floor moping.

"Yeah, the prince is quite soft to be sure." I received a punch in the arm, it just made me laugh harder.

'I'm Eladrion, nice to meet you finally!" I stepped back when said ten year old walked up as calm as could be and stuck his hand in my face to shake, I looked at Legolas who shrugged, and then clasped his hand in mine.

"And you too mate." That was slightly weird.

"Are you going to come to my birthday? That would make every body jealous!" He was acting quite young to be ten years already.

'I don't believe you want her there, she might break something." Legolas was bending over to whisper this in Eladrion's ear, so I naturally kicked his butt and knocked him over. "Why must I be on the floor so much?"

"Because you obviously like it there." I said acting like he was stupid, I tsked and turned to Aragorn. "So, where do we stay?"

o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Well today is Eladrion's tenth birthday, I wonder how big Aragorn is gonna make the celebration?" I looked over my shoulder at Legolas who was pulling his boot on. I woke up later than Legolas, and still got faster than him. Oops, guess I said that out loud, he threw his boot at me but missed. 'Well, someone's grumpy when they first wake up.

'You would be too, if you'd found a spider in your leggings you were about to put on." He glared at me and went to retrieve the other boot, as he bent over I couldn't resist adding insult to injury and smacked him, he bolted upright and raised his eyebrow.

'There was a spider." He rolled his eye and walked through the door, boot still in hand. Maybe I should tell him, nah...

'Were you going to tell me I hadn't put my shoe on, or were you going to let me step in horse crap first?" He said raising his perfectly plucked eyebrow. Don't tell him I spilled his secret, he still doesn't know I know. But, it's ok, I love him no matter how much better his eyebrows look than mine.

"Well, I was actually gonna let you step in the crap first, but since you asked, you forgot your shoe." He rolled his eyes, and started jumping trying to get his shoe on, it took a good ten minutes before he was successful. "So much for warrior elven speed Speedy Gonzales." He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest. "Would you like to dance?" I wiggled my eyebrows but he just rolled his eyes and kissed my forehead before letting me go. So much for anger.

'You will inevitably be the death of me Esme."

"But you wouldn't have it any other way!" I smiled when he turned to scoff at me before walking into the throne room to find Aragorn. Eladrion was sitting said throne wearing Aragorn's little winged crown and shouting orders like a mad man. "Legolas, maybe you should go sure you 'toughness' and shut that thing up?"

"That's more likely your job, I'd rather the little heathen liked me." I snorted at him and placed a big smile on my face, might as well make it look like I'm enjoying it.

"Happy birthday Eladrion!" I ran forward with my arms out for a hug, he giggled and ran into me, I grunted with breath he knocked out of me. I could practically hear Legolas smirking, so naturally I smirked. 'Say hello to Legolas won't you?" I threw Eladrion into Legolas, poor nancing elf almost fell over, I made a tutting noise and turned to talk with Aragorn.

'Well, we'll be leaving in about a minute, so are you ready to deal with all those little kids?" He smirked at the revolted face I made and turned to look where Legolas was playing with Eladrion. I swear he's more of the motherly type than I am, but I won't tell him that.

"Hey Mother Hen!" Legolas stopped to glare at me, I smiled sweetly, 'Time to go!" Eladrion smiled huge and ran to Aragorn to be picked up. Now he is way old enough to be walking on his own, but if they want to baby him, I'm not going to say anything.

We had walked halfway to the Citadel when we all noticed a huge change in Eladrion's demeanor. He had wriggled out of Aragorn's hold on him, and stood straight and didn't talk to any of us unless we asked him an important question. I looked a Aragorn who just shrugged, now that little kid was trying to run all over us. So I smiled at Legolas before we both tiptoed up behind him, and grabbed his arms and started to swing him as we stepped. We thought he was gonna get the guards of the city to kill us he was screaming so loud. Then we found out he was laughing. Now my ears are bleeding, and it's only ten in the morning.

"Well, this is a nice turn out huh?" Aragorn stood facing the citadel that was full of people. You couldn't walk through it without knocking at least five people off the sides.

'Did you mean for this party to be this big?" Arwen whispered through a perfectly plastered smile.

"Not originally." Aragorn had the same face looked at Arwen and began to walk down to start greeting people. I felt something jerking my hand and found that I had forgotten to release Eladrion who was trying to run over to his friends waiting for him, I smiled at him and released him, he almost fell. Oops. Legolas snorted and rolled his eyes at me before following Aragorn. I wonder if he knows how much he looks like a mad horse when he does that?

'I do now." Shit. That always happens, I smiled hugely and gave him a hug.

'But I love you?" He patted my head and continued to walk towards the King who was now surrounded on all sides by his people. "Maybe we shouldn't interrupt...I'm thinking.." Then I saw them, soldiers piling in from all sides, everywhere I looked they were knocking people over and heading towards were Aragorn and Arwen were. 'Shit, Legolas, we might not want to be seen."

"What? Why-oh." I grabbed his hand and ran towards Aragorn and Arwen.

"Sorry to cut our visit so short but, we might have to leave early."

'What ever for?"

'Well, we stole something of impeccable value not to long ago, and I believe that those soldiers running a much around your son's party, may be after us." I smiled and turned to run, but hit one guard right in the chest. No wonder Legolas had been poking my shoulder for the last minute, I turned to smile at him, 'You could have just told me mate."

"Well Well Well, if it isn't just two we were looking for." I smiled, and looked to find who was talking. 'We have arrest warrants for a Mister and Misses Legolas Thrandulion." Both Legolas and I started to laugh, I was on the point of leaning on him.

'Now who said anything about that?" I gasped out, the sentry looked highly miffed so I stopped.

"IF you would have let me finish, you Lady Esmeralda and Sir Legolas are under arrest hence forth." Two more stepped forward to cuff us but Aragorn cut them off.

'Just what are the charges?" the sentry looked startled to be talking to the King he hastily bowed and almost lost his wig, I started to laughing but Aragorn gave me one of his infamous glares.

"For helping a certain pirate escape his hanging. Surely you remember a mister Jack Sparrow."

"Captain." But Legolas and I snarled, making the man step back. I smirked at him and he glared.

"If you say so." I looked around and noticed that only the front of us had sentries, if we turned and ran they couldn't open fire because there were so many civilians, I subtly kicked Legolas in the back of the knee and gestured to that way when the guard insisted on reading off our crimes to Aragorn who was listening and groaning, I bet he just wished he could have thought of that. We slowly started to back up and noticed none of them moved, so I smiled at Arwen, and turned and sprinted off into the crowd with Legolas following. 'AFTER THEM!" I was laughing the whole way, there was no way they could catch us.

"Esme! Up ahead! There's a cliff!" Legolas had started to slow down and turned, I shook my head and continued to run ahead. Not long after I learned he was right, I could practically here him making some smart comment about being stupid pirates and being stupidly stubborn. I ran by him and patted him on the shoulder.

'Esmeralda! Legolas! Where are you going?" We skidded to a stop and saw Eladrion watching us like a hawk.

"Um, we, just remembered we had unfinished business to take care of and that we'll be back later!" Just at that moment one sentry came flying from my right and Legolas practically jumped on the guy. I continued to smile at Eladrion whose mouth was wide open in amazement. Who ever said it was wrong to leave in style?

"Whoa! That's amazing!" I turned to look behind Eladrion and saw all his little buddies smiling as well, I groaned. This is not what we needed.

'Sit!" They did and I lobbed my sword at another guard who was trying to sneak around behind them. I swaggered over and pulled my sword out, wiped it on his chest, and ran back to Legolas. "Time to go?"

'Agreed!" We turned to run up the steps only to be stopped by all the soldiers. Damn Eladrion and his questions.

"Well, you can think of this as the day you almost escaped."

"No thanks, that would make me sound like Jack, and that's never a good thing." The soldier glared and motioned for us to be cuffed. I just continued to smile at him, happy as could be. 'Watch it. Thats my butt your touching mister, I may be cuffed but I still have feet." The sentry who had been hand cuffing me ran back to his station blood red, Legolas was snickering at him.

'Now if you please, Lord Beckett wishes to receive you in port Royal."

"Beckett. That sounds oddly familiar." I shrugged and followed after them to their ship, my only hope is that Aragorn doesn't kill me when I next see him.

O0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Well look who it is." I startled awake with a little grunt, and stared around trying to find the voice. I stood and look, still nothing. "Down here Esmeralda." I started and looked down.

'Beckett? What a long time no see!" I smiled and continued to look for Legolas.

"Your friend has been placed in another cell." I looked across to see Legolas raising his eyebrow at me. I shrugged and turned to look back at Beckett.

"Oh come on, why the separation mate?"

'It's Lord now."

"Lord? Ahahahahaha, as if. You could never get a title if you tried!" I stood shaking with laughter as the little angry figure stood fuming. A vein in his forehead was even ticking.

"Well I am now!" His snarl made e sit back down, I blinked a few times, and he continued to fume. "Now, I just thought I would drop by and tell you your charges."

"Already know them thanks." I started humming a song and cleaning my fingernails, Beckett started to fume again.

'Yes I know! But I though you might want to know that your punishment is death!"

"WHAT?!" Both Legolas and I screamed, affectively making Beckett jump.

"Yes, now that I have your attention, you five sentenced to death."

"Can you count? Or maybe your drunk? Because there are two of us here right now?"

'Four actually." I jumped on top of the bench and started looking around. "Over here Esme." Will was sitting in the cell beside me, and Elizabeth was frowning at Beckett in the one next to Legolas'.

'Well, isn't this just a little cell block party!" I smiled and wen to talk to Will until Beckett cleared his throat. "Yes?"

"I would like to borrow you and master Will for a moment, can you spare it?" I stared at him like he had ten heads.

"No I'm sorry, you seemed to have caught me at a bad time. I was going to sit in the dark and do nothing. You'll have to come back later." I shook my head and turned back to Will, Beckett grabbed my hand and jerked me out of my cell right as another sentry grabbed Will.

'Nice job Esme. Make him angry, just what we need." I smiled at Will and started to skip until Beckett turned and glared at me.

O0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

When we reached his office it's like he was a different person, he settled behind this huge desk and could barely see over the top. I bet he was sitting on some very thick books to even be that high. Will just told me to shut up. Right happy ol'chap.

"Those won't be necessary." He pointed to our shackles and the soldier took them off.

"I have one question."

"Esme, shut up."

"NO you shut up Will! I'm trying to ask a question!"

"You'll get us in trouble."

"You don't know that!"

'QUITE!" We turned startled to see Beckett breathing heavy and glaring. "Both of you shut up. And no! You can't ask your question!" I poked my lip out and Will smirked at me, so I hit him in the knee. "As I was saying, the East India Trading Company has need of your services. " He made to hand us both drinks, I just stared at mine until he sat it down Will didn't even pay it any head."We wish for you to act as our agent in a business transaction with our mutual friend - Captain Sparrow. "

"More acquaintance than friend. How do you know him? " Will sat eying Beckett while I was eying the gold chest behind him.

"I would realize if you took that Esme." Damn, caught in the act. " We've had dealings in the past. " He picked up the brand that I had become accustomed to on out last confrontation. Beckett smirked at me when I grabbed my wrist and hid it behind my back, Will just stared at me funny. "And we've each left our mark on the other"

"Oh yeah? What did he do to you I wonder?" I snarled knocking the thing out of his hand, he just raised his eyebrow, I resisted the urge to spit at him.

"Calm down Esme." I glared at Will before crossing my arms and gesturing for Beckett to continue.

"By your efforts, Jack Sparrow was set free. I would like you to go to him and recover a certain property in his possession." He bent over to pick up the brand and I had an urge to kick him into the fire, but Will knew what I was thinking and but a hand on my shoulder to tell me to wait.

"And why should we do that?" I snarled shaking Will's shoulder off. "Couldn't you just do what you did to us and get it?" Beckett continued to smile his obnoxious smile. 'You want us to kill him don't you, you foul piece of -"

"Esme! Calm down for Eru's sake. Do you mean by the point of a sword?" Will was shaking his head and glaring at me, I shrugged we could just kill this man know and be done with it.

"Bargain. Letters of Marque. You will offer what amounts to a full pardon - Jack will be free, a privateer in the employ of England. " He waved them in my face, I just stared at him like he was dumb.

"I'm a pirate, I steal things of value, not paper." He shrugged and moved on to Will.

"Somehow I doubt Jack will consider employment the same as being free. "

"Freedom. Jack Sparrow and our dear Esmeralda are a dying breed." I started to follow behind him and mock him, every time he would turn around I would act like I was admiring one of his fancy pieces of art. I could tell it was really irritating that he couldn't catch me. "The world is shrinking. The blank edges of the map filled in. They must find their place in the New World or perish. Not unlike you, Mr. Turner. You and your fiancée face the hangman's noose. " At that I acted like I was hanging myself and Will let out a chuckle and tried to hastily cover it with a cough, Beckett whirled around seething and I placed my hand under my chin as if I was thinking, I smiled when I acted like I caught sight of him.

"So you get both Jack and the Black Pearl."

"The Black Pearl?" I glared at Beckett when I heard him say the same thing I did. How dare he.

"The property you want that he possesses." Eru Will could be an idiot at times. Every one knows what Beckett's after, it's not that hard to figure out.

"A ship? Hardly. The item in question is considerably smaller and far more valuable. Something Sparrow keeps on his person at all times: a compass? " Will made and oh of understanding, and I just rolled my eyes. Land people. "Ah, you know it. Bring back that compass, or there's no deal." He turned to back away but I had him in a headlock in no time, he just started to laugh.

'What if I just killed you know? There would be no need for any of this really?"

'You wouldn't want to do that."

"Oh, I think I would."

"Well, then you and the others would be on the run from the law forever.

"That's it? I'm already always on the run from the law, no problems."

'Don't. Elizabeth will still be killed if you kill him now." Beckett was turning a nasty purple color, but I still hadn't released him.

'Oh that's right. She can't fend for herself, I forgot." I released Beckett who took to gasping for breathe while I patted his wig back down. "Good day Beckett.'

'It's Lord now!" he rasped massaging his neck, I just smiled and waved.

o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"You're too rash." Will snarled as we ran back to the prisoners.

'And you're too slow! Like your girlfriend quite actually. Only difference, you know how to fight and she doesn't. We could be running free right now, but no. Because of your no good fiancée we still have to deal with that stupid Beckett." Will stopped and glared at me.

"She is not weak. How do you know it wouldn't be Legolas that kept us back?" I started to laugh.

'Because, he would know how to fight off the guards who came after him, you would have to deal with the ones after her and you, and then I would have to step in and then Legolas would have to step in, and we'd never get away." I patted him on the shoulder and entered the jail. I could hear him mumble about her being strong,I rolled my eyes and walked over to Legolas' cell.

"You're not... you can't be here. " I just raised my eyebrows at the soldier, and walked around he tried to get in front of my again but the governor stopped him.

"_Mani marte?_" (what happened) I smiled at Legolas and stuck my hand through the cell, he grabbed it and kissed it.

"I'm now in the service of Lord Cutler Beckett, thanks to sir William over there." Will sent a furtive glare when he heard my name. Legolas was staring at me with his mouth open, yes the reaction I knew was coming.

"_Mankoi?_" (Why?)

"He wants Jack's compass." Legolas raised an eyebrow. "It leads to something very important." I whispered so only Legolas could heard, he nodded and looked at Will and Elizabeth who were staring in our direction.

"_Iire lle auta?"_ (When do you leave?) I smiled at him, I really don't want to cry right now.

"_Ale' lye tela sinome" _(When we finish here.) He smiled and stroked my face.

"_Amin mela lle"_ (I love you.)

" _Amin mela lle ner." _(I love you more.) He smiled and looked over my shoulder, Will was waiting, looking determinedly away from the governor and Elizabeth; I shrugged and kissed Legolas' hand before standing to leave.

"Where is our first heading Esme?' I started and turned to look at him.

"Why ask my advice now?" I crossed my arms and pretended to preen my fingernails.

"Because your a pirate and you know where he would go. And I need your help." I smiled at that and whistled. Will looked at me like I was an idiot and I just smiled. At that moment Edward came riding from around a corner with my horse, Wheat Thins, and a horse for Will. Will looked at me like I was a miracle worker.

"How did they know you were here?"

'They saw me be captured and thrown on an East India Trading Company ship and followed us by night to get here." I grabbed my reigns and jumped on before turning to Edward.

"Where to Captain?'

"Where else, Tortuga."

**Author's Note:** So tell me what you think for a first chapter, and whether I should continue or not? I'm home sick so that's why I got to start the sequel so early. Just let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

The Dead Man's What?

**Author's Note: ** Being sick has only one plus, a lot of extra time to devote to my story! Woot!

**Reviews:**

**emerald lady:** Thanks!

**Lady Lea:** Thanks so much!

**Readerfreak10:** No problemo! He may be cute, but he's such a worry wart! Thanks as always!

Chapter Two: The Mooring Line!

"Captain! What happened? Where is Legolas?" Edward grabbed my hands to keep them from finding their way around Bart's scrawny neck. I smiled at Edward , stowed my hands behind my back and turned to Bart.

'We were captured, and Legolas is in jail. Savvy?"

"Why didn't you spring him from the cell?"

"Because then I would have had to do the same for Elizabeth, it that would have complicated things."

"Oh not this again!" Will snarled stepping in front of me. "She is not a nuisance."

"I agree with Esme." Edward added over my shoulder, I smiled at Will.

"What do you know? You're supposed to agree with her, she's your captain!" Will snarled at Edward who looked abashed.

'I do not have to agree with her! We hardly ever agree on anything. Ever." I nodded. Will just stared and stalked over to the corner to mope and glare at us all, I rolled my eyes and turned to Edward.

"Tortuga is about an days sail from here, correct? Well, let's get moving. Full curtain!" He nodded and started to belt orders at the crew who jumped like they had been whipped. Yeah, they listen real well.

'He'll get out, I know it, don't worry about it." I smiled at Charlotte, she could always tell what I was thinking, whether that was a good thing or not I don't know.

'It's not him I'm worried about."

'What is it then?"

"The thing Beckett's after, I can only hope that we get to it first, I can't stand to think of it in his hand's." She raised her eyebrow and nodded toward Will, I almost started to crack up. "He wouldn't know anything about it if you hit him in the face with it."

'Pitiful, and his father was Bootstrap?" I nodded and widened my eyes. "Pity such talent was wasted on some one as unintelligent as him."

'Who?'

"ERU Will! Don't come out of no where like that!" I had to grab the railing to help keep my feet steady. I hate getting scared like that.

"Whose unintelligent?"

"You are, now go away you nosy bird." I whirled around, hitting him with my skirts I'm glad to say, and sashayed into my quarters. I turned back to see him glaring at me, I smiled and slammed the door. I heard a snore, and whirled around to find Bart laying on my bed passed out, so that's why the door was usually locked when everyone was up and out on deck. I walked over to the chest of drawers and picked up the water bowl and walked over to the bed, nothing wrong with giving him a bath as well.

'EIEEEE!!!" Bart rolled right off the side of the bed and landed at my feet.

"Good morning sailor. Fancy another nap?" Bart gasped and wiped the cold water out of his face before standing, saluting me and running out, almost hitting Edward on his way.

'What was that about?"

"Sleeping on the job." Edward nodded and left, I threw on a black dress,quickly braided my hair, and threw my boots back on. It felt so much better to be out of those leggings I had been wearing for a week now. I hate that.

"Captain." I jumped and turned to find Rian blushing.

"Yes?"

'We have caught sight of dinghy coming our way, and we didn't know how to deal with it." I patted the poor thing on the head and smiled at him.

"I'm coming, show me the man." Once on deck I pulled out my spyglass, and see none other than my stupid brother waving at me from the dinghy. 'Let down a rope for the idiot."

"Thank Eru I came across you, I was running out of run and I didn't know how far from land I was." Morgan tried to hug me but I could smell his B.O. from where I was standing.

"Don't touch me. Go grab some of Legolas' left over clothes then come see me." I was choking just standing near him. I plugged my nose and waited for him to go, he just pouted. 'YOU SMELL DISGUSTING! GO!" He shot off in a hurry, I was still plugging my nose.

"Real nice way to treat your brother." I turned to see Will raising his eyebrow at me.

'Was there supposed to be an underlying insult amongst those words? If so I didn't catch it." He glared at me, I just smiled and turned back around, only to smack into Morgan. I shoved him back and tried to regain the breathe I'd lost form having to smell him." What have I told you about doing that?"

"I just came from Tortuga. It's a mess there." he smiled and winked at Will who looked at him funny, I grabbed Morgan's sleeve right as he was about to go over to him.

"Has a fiancée." he literally deflated. "And since when is Tortuga not a mess?"

"True." he smiled and grabbed an apple out of Edward's hand. Edward glared at him and turned back to the galley grumbling about stupid brothers being to lazy yo walk places. I stole from Morgan right as he was about to eat, and took a bite out of it. "But I love apples!" He whined.

'I love them more than you do. When we hit land, other than Tortuga, I plan to eat a whole bushel full. Anyway, we're almost to Tortuga, so make ready to disembark. At least you'll fit in with the smell." I shuttered and walked around him, throwing the apple back at him when he least expected it. Target, right in the head.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o00o0o0ooo0o0

"Now, Will, don't say anything to anybody, who looks sketchy, please?" I asked placing my hands together. He nodded and turned to two women who he saw. "What did I just say!"

'Have you seen Jack Sparrow?" the two women looked at each other and then back at Will.

"Jack Sparrow?" The women I recognized as Jack's little, 'friends', so maybe William was smarter than I gave him credit for.

"I haven't seen him in a month." the blond one replied smiling at Will.

"When you find him, you give 'im a message." Edward and I smirked, we already knew what was coming. She slapped him right across the face, his head reeled back towards us, I smiled and waved at him. 'Aren't you one of his other's as well?" The girl stepped towards me glaring like she wanted to strangle me.

"Definitely not."

'I think she is, she's been with him every time we've seen him last." I opened my mouth in shock, I had not been with him!

"I haven't been here in months!'

'Neither has he!" They both took another step forward, I stepped back smiling.

'Well, as pleasant as this has been, got to go!" I shot off back towards the pier not even waiting to see if the other were following me. When they did reach me they were all laughing.

'You? One of Jack's women? That's rich!" Edward was leaning against Charlotte who was leaning on the side of a light post. I glared at them all until they looked at me.

'That. Does not leave this island, understood?" They nodded still wiping tears of mirth from their faces.

"Jack Sparrow, I'm assuming your talking about?" I almost fell off the side of the pier when I heard the random voice. We all turned to see a shrimper fixing his net.

"Aye,have you seen him, or the Pearl?" I asked blatantly ignoring Will and Edward reenacting the meeting behind me.

"Can't say about Jack Sparrow, but this island just south of the straits where I trade spice for... delicious, long pork. Cannot say about Jack. But you'll find that ship there. A ship with black sails."

'That will work! Can you take us then?" I smiled my best smile, he shrugged.

'Only two can fit aboard me ship." I nodded and turned back to the three behind me.

"I'll take, Edward. Sounds good."

"No! I'm going! I need to compass just as much as you!" Will snarled stepping in front of Edward.

'Fine, you can come then! Who really wants to go! I know what island he's talking about, and I really don't want to go, but you can come with me if you really want." Will nodded and set his face into a hard glare. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the shrimper, 'We're going." He nodded and pointed us to his ship.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o00o0o0ooo0o0

'We're devils and black sheep, and we're really bad eggs!!!! And from the top once more!""' I held my hands ready to conduct the men of the ship in another round until Will slapped his hand over my mouth.

'Not another verse. Not one." He had a very angry looking tick in his forehead, really doesn't look healthy.

"You might want to get that twitch checked out mate, doesn't look very good." HE let out a ferule snarl, I sprinted to hide behind the shrimper we'd met at the dock. "Help, mad man on the loose!"

'My brother will take you ashore." He pointed to another man behind him, I hadn't noticed that one, maybe it's just because they all look the same, anyway.

"Excellent." I pushed Wills head down and ran past him before he could bite me or something. I jumped into the dinghy and sat the far side. "You can't rock this boat, or we'll fall out!" I smiled as he continued to glare, the shrimper's brother was still humming the song, Will's tick was getting worse, and I couldn't help but laugh.

'I hope you die a truly painful death." I gasped and acted hurt.

'But Will, I thought what we had was special, how could you?" I faked crying and the shrimper's brother smacked Will and the back of the head and started yelling at him in French, I winked at Will before giving him a cheeky smile and turning back to look at the island. The Pearl was pulled into the shallows, it's sails sticking up feet into the air, really do not know how to be inconspicuous do they?

"What's wrong, the beach is right there?" Will was glaring at the brother, I hadn't even noticed we'd stopped rowing.

"Ne bougeais pas, c'set beaucoup trop dangereaux." The man gestured widly at the island and shook his head, I could feel my head cock to the side.

"What? Do you know what he said?" Will looked frantically at me and then back at the man, who was still shaking his head at the island; I shook my head.

'The only world I know is Wee-wee mate." The man shook his head at me before pointing at the island again, making a death symbol on his neck and pointing to water. Great, I didn't know it would get me killed to say that.

"Je ne pois, c'est trop dangereaux, j'avais le dit." Oh wait, I get it! I stood smiled at the man and turned to the water." Bon voyage mademoiselle and monsieur!" I saluted the man before diving off the side and hearing Will follow me.

"Ready?" he glared at me and just started swimming. "Well, you too then!" It took us a good minute to finally reach the shore, the ship was too quite for me. 'HELLO! JACKIIIIEEE!! Are you there?" No answer, Will looked at me funny, I just made a face back at him.

"Marty! Cotton! Anybody? " Will walked to the helm, I just slapped my hands on my hips, so there was no problem when he yelled? Oh, dumb boy, don't go in there, who willingly goes into the jungle? Who tell me who? Apparently Will Turner has a death wish, I jumped on the spot trying to decide what to do before I finally sighed and chased after the simpleton. The things I do for friends.

"Ah, a familiar face. " I ran into Will who had stopped to stare at a parrot. How does he know he knows this parrot?

"Awk, don't eat me!!" the parrot looked at me and Will, I just shared a look with him.

'I wouldn't eat you?" Will just looked confused. I have to object.

'Actually, if you were hungry enough, you might. I bet it tastes like chicken." Will glared at me, the parrots croaked one more and flew off, Will glared at me, I just shrugged. 'It poultry, I bet it does." He rolled his eyes and kept walking.

"Gibbs." Will was looking at a plant and calling it Gibbs, he really has lost what little marbles he had.

"If you say so mate, it's a little skinny to be him." Will glared at me before thrusting Gibbs old canteen in my face." Oh, that's what you meant.' Will nodded and looked at me like I was dumb, to bad I was focusing on what was behind him. I walked forward with my hand out and my finger itching to poke it. "What is that, it looks like a HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!" Right as I had reached the tree a man that was painted to match the tree popped out and I started to yell for Will to run.

"It's a little late for that Esme." I turned to find Will caught by his foot and hanging in the air swinging his sword around like a fool, I just pointed and laughed at him before I noticed we were surrounded.

"Unguard!" I whipped my sword out and accidentally let it go, it hit one of the other tribal men in the neck, h fell over dead I suppose. I smiled at the now angry people. Just what I needed." That was all on accident, I swear." I felt something in my neck and that's where I lost it.

"I can't believe you killed one." I turned to glare at Will, which was rather hard seeing as we were tied to a piece of wood like stuck pigs.

"O yes, I really meant to throw my sword at him, you caught me in my plan." He glared at me, and then looked up.

"Jack? Jack Sparrow? I can honestly say I'm glad to see you." Will smiled a true smile at Jack who was looking at him like he didn't know who he was, I just rolled my eyes. Stupid man. "Jack, it's me, Will Turner!" Jack was sitting on some type of throne with paint all over his face. Looked like he had about ten eyes.

"Jackie, you're ships gonna get stole, or broken if you don't let us down to save it. Shame really, it would make some good timber wood for something." Jack;s eyes got large and Will just glared at me.

"Pah se ko?" Jack turned to look at the tribe man who nodded.

"Teen dada, eeseetis. Eeseetis!" The man nodded, I just shared a look with Will.

"When did you learn about to speak caveman Jack? Or was that the first you learned?" He glared at me before addressing the caveman again.

"Tell them to let me down." Will urged, notice he said nothing about me, if I could I would kick him.

"Kele lam. Nom piki piki, nom minsi winsi." He walked to Will's backside and made a strange gesture toward Will, this could get interesting. "Lam seisei, eunichi. Snip snip. " Jack even mimed the scissors. I can feel Will's glare boring into my head, but I just can't help it, eunuch? That's priceless, I'm crying right now.

"Ahhhh, Eunichi."

"Jack, the compass, it's all I need. Elizabeth is in danger. We were arrested for trying to help you. She faces the gallows!" Will bellowed causing the men carrying him to stop in their tracks, I still hadn't been moved.

"Seiserom shup shup sha smame mame shuku, savvy? Maliki liki." Jack walked turned and walked back by Will.

"Maliki liki! Maliki liki!" The whole tribe started shouting something terrible.

'Save me." Jack smiled at me before walking back to his throne.

'Um, am I just gonna sit here for the rest of my life, or are you going to do something to me?" I smiled at Jack who stood and looked at the tribes.

'Same."

"MALIKI LIKI!"

"OK I HEARD THE FIRST TIME!!" I screamed, they all stopped shouting and just walked after Will's transporters. Thank Eru, don't know if my ears could have taken anymore.

"Jack, what did you tell them? No! What about Elizabeth? Jaaack!"Will sounded like a dying animal, I had the urge to put him out of misery, but I don't think he would take to kindly to that.

'OH shut up Will, no one cares." I could feel him glaring, even if I didn't see it, I'll ignore it.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o00o0o0ooo0o0

"Ah, if it isn't Gibbs." I glared at the portly man and leaned back against the cage, until I remembered it was made of bones. I'm about to gag.

"Why would he do this to us? If Jack is the chief - " Will just chose to ignore me, and so did Gibbs. Wish I could say as much for the rest of the grew, I was getting cat calls from every which way. I really wanted to kill something.

"HELLO! I don't respond to that, so SHUT. UP!" They stopped, for about two seconds.

"Aye. The Pelegostos have made Jack their chief. But he only remains chief as long as he acts like a chief.' Gibbs laughed in my direction, I threw a bone at him, and missed, effectively knocking out another crew member, at least one was gone.

"Do I look like a dog to you? I don't come when you whistle!"

"So he had no choice. He's a captive there as much as the rest of us. " Will nodded understanding, I walked to stand in front of him, he just raised his eyebrow.

'Now they have to look at you to look at me, problem solved." he just shook his head and turned back to Gibbs.

"Worse, as it turns out. You see, the Pelegostos believe that Jack is a god in human form. And they intend to do 'im the honor of releasing him from his fleshy prison." At that time one of the other crew members grabbed his hand and bit his finger. Now it all fits.

'SO that would explain the parrot then."

'The parrot?" Gibbs looked at me like I was an idiot.

'Yes. It was begging us not t eat him, although I don't know if that counts as cannibalism, seeing as he's not human."

"Esme...shut up, you're rambling." Will rolled his eyes and turned back to Gibbs who was nodding at me, well at least some one understood me.

"Where's the rest of the crew? " Will looked around at the two cages and started to count.

'Gee, I don't know, what are these cages made of?"

"These cages we're in weren't built 'till after we got here," Will snatched his hand away from the cage and looked disgusted, I just laughed at him. "The feast is about to begin. Jack's life will end... when the drums stop."

"Actually, I think we, ok I'll stop." They had all turned to glare at me, I held my hands up in surrender and waited for Will's intelligent plan. Notice I use that word lightly.

"Swing."

'Are you daft?" I looked at him like he was an idiot, he ignored me, as usual.

'S-a-wh-in-gaaaa. Swing.' Ok, that was taking it too far.

"Oh no boy, you better calm that down." he just rolled his eyes and started rocking the cage, I just grabbed onto his shoulders, how would you like to hit a side of a cage made of bones? Didn't think so. It took us about ten times to finally get to the wall, we, when I say we I mean they, grabbed vines and began to climb.

"Put your legs through! Start the climb! " Gibbs shouted pulling up front with Will, I just sat and the back and cleaned my nails, not problem in healthy hygiene.

"Come on men, it'll take all of us to crew the Black Pearl!"

"Poor stupid Will, it doesn't take that many, Captains just like having that many to make themselves feel special." Will turned to give me heated glare, the air around him even got darker, I smiled and waved.

'She is right, only about six are needed." They all stopped and stared at each other, I rolled my eyes. Here we go, another contest to see which side has more testosterone. "Oh dear."

"Hurry" Will started pulling a lot harder and the race was one. I have a bet on my group, after all, we have Will. Actually, that might lower our chances. 'Thanks for your support Esme, seeing as your in our cage as well." Shit,said that out loud.

'I love you Will."

"Heave! Is that all you've got?" I practically jumped out of the cage, I didn't know there was a midget with us.

"You're a midget!" Said midget glared at me. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude." I smiled innocently he just rolled his eyes at me.

'My name is Marty."

'Well, nice to meet you Marty, my name is Esme."

'Glad to know you don't mind having a very irrelevant conversation back there Esme." Will snarled still keeping even with the other cage.

"I know, you should be proud." He turned to glare I just stuck my tongue out at him, he was way too serious.

"Wait, stop stop stop. On the bridge." Sure enough some young boy was walking across the bridge, stupid thing still hadn't noticed what was wrong with the big picture.

"Shhhhh." I turn to catch the other pirate in the cage motioning for them to start climbing, they all started making rude faces as they passed, I gave them a few rude gestures, it made them stop.

"Stop!" Will whispered, they just ignored him. I would have too actually.

"Snake! Aaaaaa!" The pirates all let go screaming, I'm sorry but that's kinda funny.

"Karma sure is a betch." I snickered, Will urgently told them to hurry up, the kid was running back int eh opposite direction, guess he saw we were trying to escape.

"Pull it loose, find a rock!" We had finally reached the top and were just sitting there still attached to the rope, good job Will.

"Roll!" I turned to see the cannibals surrounding us so I smiled and prodded Will in the back. "Can we go now!"

"ROLLLLL!!" We started rolling and hit a hill and started careening down to a tree that was stuck in the middle, I was too busy trying to keep my dress from flying up to really care. "Lift the cage!"

"Lift it high like a lady's skirt."Gibbs shouted, all the crew turned to me.

"Not exactly your best motivation speech Gibbs." I snarled latching my hands on my skirt. "Just lift the cage, not me you dipshits! Don't make me hit you, you may be trying to save me Will, but I will hit you." He snickered and lifted the cage, I hit him anyway.

'Hole up ahead!" I shouted standing in the cage looking ahead for any problems, see I could be a help, regardless of what Will said. "ARE YOU LISTENI- Too late." I turned and saluted the cannibals before we fell into the water at the bottom of the crag. Funny how people don't listen.

"This way lads!" Gibbs shouted pointing off to the side, too bad I was busy trying not to get hit by arrows to really care what he said.

'A hell of a lot of trouble you've gotten us into Will. We wouldn't have to have done all this if you had let me kill him." He just glared at me and I glared back. "You and your stupid fiancée!"

'SHE IS NOT WEAK!" I could still feel the spit even though I was already wet.

"Oh no, not at all." I shouted back, before Gibbs slapped his hand over my mouth, yeah not gonna lick that hand, as soon as he let go I started to scrub it with the water, he just rolled his eyes at me.

"Let's go!" When the cannibals had finally run off, we found a way to climb out of the crag and began to sprint for the ship. I was the first one to reach it and saw my favorite people ever. Ravioli and Pinto...or what ever their names are.

"PULL THE MOORING LINE!: Ravioli was shouting, Pinto was running in circles around the ship chasing after something.

"It's got me eye again!" Pinto shouted, they still hadn't heard me approach.

"Well, how'd you get it back last time? " I just rolled my eyes and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Boo." He nearly shit himself, I just started to laugh.

"Excellent! Our work's half done! " Gibbs thumped him on the back, Ravioli continued to breathe hard. Will glared like he knew it had something to do with me.

'What? Why is it all my fault?" Will rolled his eyes and followed Gibbs up the ship. Will really was an old fart stuck in a young man's body, I swear.

'Make ready to sail, boys! " Gibbs was already shouting orders and he was the closest one to the ship.

"What about Jack?" Will asked looking frantically behind him at the jungle. I saw something running around the corner of the island, and he had a very distinct run. Almost like he was drunk.

"Oi!" Yup, it was Jack.

'He;s over there." Will followed my finger and his eyes nearly popped out of his socket. The whole tribe of cannibals were chasing Jack towards our ship.

"Time to go. " Will looked like he was about to die, I couldn't help but laugh, Gibbs glared at me, I just stuck my tongue out. If only they had my brain, actually never mind. That would be really strange.

"Cast off those lines!"

"Make ready to cast off!"Ravioli was shouting orders and I just sat and watched Jack's drunken run. It was actually quite a funny site to see.

"Oi! Good boy!' Jack ran by some random dog that was busy barking at the cannibals as they chased Jack. What I want to know, is how they hell the dog got here? Jack barely reached the Pearl in time and started climbing up the rope ladder, stopping half way, I know what's coming. I stood and turned to the crew who were already staring in my direction, I cleared my throat and began to mock Jack as he spoke his infamous lines, as always.

"Alas, my children, this is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost-" I heard the splash of a wave, guessing he got hit, the egotistical prat. "Captain Jack Sparrow." The cannibals just stopped and watched us sale away, until they hear he dog barking. Dumb animal really, I would have just run off without making myself know, he had other plans, now he has to run like hell because the whole tribe is chasing after him. Not that smart really.

"Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea. " Gibbs said saluting Jack as he walked aboard, I just stood and watched, no reason to attack him, yet anyways.

"Yes to the first, yes to the second, but only as so far as we keep to the shallows as much as possible. " Ravioli and Pinto draped his cloak on his shoulders and saluted when eh stopped to stare at them, he ignored them and smile and walked towards me.

"Now, that seems a bit contradictory, Captain." Gibbs stopped him from taking another step, I glared at him. I really needed to talk to that idiot pirate.

"I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Master Gibbs. Now, where is that monkey? I want to shoot something." Right after he said that the monkey dropped Pinto's eye to the ground, Jack followed the monkey's trail for a minute before turning back to me.

"Jack." Will cut him off this time, I sighed as loud as I could, Will spared me a glare before turning back to Jack.

"Ah."

"Elizabeth is in danger." Jack just shook him off and tried to walk around him, still following the monkey's path, and occasionally smiling at me,

"Have you considered keeping a more watchful eye on her. Maybe just lock her up somewhere? "

'She is actually, which is why we're here." I said Jack smiled and pointed to me before trying to walk around Will.

"She's not the only reason, Legolas is locked up as well, Esme."

'Yes but we know he wouldn't be if weren't for Elizabeth actually."

"Oh don't start this again Esme, it's a bunch of bullshit and you know it."

'Not really, you"re the one who started it anyway." I smirked at him, and turned back to Jack, but Will cut me off again. If he's not careful I'm going to throw him over board.

"She is locked up in a prison, bound to hang for helping you. "

"There comes a time when one must take responsibility for one's mistakes. " That is a true pirate comeback. Will grabbed a sword and stuck it against Jack's neck.

'HEY! That was my job! You son of a bad word! I was gonna do that! I snarled and ran over to Will and grabbed the sword.

'I need that compass of yours, Jack. I must trade it for her freedom." Will just choose to ignore me, not a smart thing to do. I breathed in very deeply before stomping as hard as I could on his toe, he let out a howl to wake the dead and jumped away from Jack, who smiled at me.

'Mr. Gibbs? We have a need to travel upriver. "

"By need, do you, mean a trifling need, fleeting, as in, say, a passing fancy? " Gibbs gulped and looked at me.

"No, a resolute and unyielding need."

"What we need to do is make sail for Port Royal with all haste. " I scoffed and hit Will int eh back of the head.

"You are such a twat, is she all you think about?" he snarled at me, and I stepped back. Don;t want rabies or nothing.

"William... I shall trade you the compass, if you will help me... " He pulled out a drawing of a key, I just rolled my eyes, I know where this is going.

"You want me to find this." Will indicated the drawing, I had to resist the urge to hit him again.

"My, let's think about how impossible that would be. Did you? Good, now let's rethink that question." HE just turned to glare I smiled back at him.

"No. You want you to find this. Because the finding of this, finds you incapacitorially finding and/or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle ol' what's her face. Savvy? " I glared at Jack who just winked, if Will fell for this he was a sap.

"This is going to save Elizabeth. " I smacked my hand to my head.

"How much do you know about Davy Jones?"

'Not much."

'Yeah, it's going to save Elizabeth."

"Dear Eru Will, you have got to be the biggest sap, I've ever met." Jack slapped his hand over my mouth and smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

The Dead Man's What?

**Author's Note:** So I'm just curious, who out there has parents that try to enforce very non valid points by eluding to a little something called parental control? (raises hands) Well, I do, actually it's more my step mom who brain washes my dad, but whatever. So I just wondered if I was the only one who wanted to cut out there brain and show it to them, and then display their stupidity to anyone who cared. For instance, I received a parking permit to park in one of the very few spots at my school, thus allowing my parents to sleep in later, and my mom told me no I couldn't unless she talked to the coordinator, who I had already talked with prior to my arriving at home, and then if she did let me I, an inexperienced sophomore driver, would take our worst car that was about to break because she told me it was that or nothing. How many times did you count that she contradicted herself in that one sentence? It went on for a good five minutes, you can imagine how many times she did that. Well, that feels better now that I've got that rant off my chest, now on to the story!

Chapter Three:

'ERU! Was that a kid?" I almost fell out of the boat when I turned my left and almost kissed some toddler sitting on a tree branch, talk about creepy.

"Aye, that it was lass." I rolled my eyes at Gibbs who was earnestly nodding his head up and down like he was missing a screw or something, that wouldn't be the only thing I wager.

"Why is Jack afraid of the open ocean?" Will sent a glare in my direction and cut my vision off of the bobble head first mate, thank Eru, he was making me sea sick.

"Well, if you believe such things, there's a beast does the bidding of Davy Jones. A fearsome creature with giant tentacles that suction your face clean off and drag an entire ship down to the crushing darkness. The Kraken." I made a ghostly noise and Will jumped before turning to glare at me, I snickered and waved, he splashed water in my eyes, I the him. "They say the stench of its breath is... ooh." Gibbs shuddered and looked pat Will at me, guess he caught me mocking him for Ravioli's benefit, my fault. "Imagine, the last thing you know on God's green earth is the roar of the Kraken and the reeking odor of a thousand rotting corpses. " Ravioli and Pinto shiver, I scoff, it really wasn't that bad, I promise, I think. "If you believe such things."

"Like you don't you superstitious old goat." I flicked my wrist at him, I could feel his heated glare in the back of my head, pansy.

'And you don't lass? You're a captain of a ship, you should believe it more so than I!"

"I don't believe in those things period, plus, I've never had dea-"

"SILENCE!" I turned to smile at Jack who was now red in the face and glaring at me, almost makes me think they didn't know he had made a deal with the devil himself.

"Don't tell me they don't know, your own crew Jack?" I tutted and turned back to Gibbs. 'I'll leave it at that then."

"And the key will spare him that?" Leave it to the sap to be that gullible.

"Now that's the very question Jack wants answered. Bad enough even to go visit... _her_." Gibbs shuddered at the mere thought, stupid man, I just laughed causing Will to glare at me, I stuck my tongue out. Man he's turned into a prude under dear old Elizabeth's care.

"_Her_? "

"Aye." I snorted causing Gibbs to look at me. "Is there something you'd like to add?"

'Oh no, just find it funny that you, a ship man, are afraid of a woman is all. Even one as strange as Tia Dolma, you're treating her as if she was the Kraken herself." I made sure to put little quotations marks around the Kraken, as Gibbs continued to glare at me. I smiled and winked before turning to Jack as he jumped out of the ship, finally get to get away from the superstitious momma's, or should I say fiancée, boys.

"No worries, mates. Tia Dalma and I go way back. Thick as thieves. Nigh inseparable we are. Were. Have been. Before." I patted him on the back before shaking my head.

"Shame really, wouldn't want to lose such company would you?" I smirked as he glared at me.

"I'll watch your back." I scoffed at Gibbs before turning around to snicker, hell if I'd allow him to be my rear guard, yeah right.

"It's me front I'm worried about."

'What, is she one to jump people's bones, even after just seeing them?" I winked and walked by him.

"Mind the boat." Gibbs turned to Will, who turned to Pinto, who turned to Ravioli, who turned to Marty, who turned to Cotton, who's parrot turned to to him. I felt bad for Cotton so I just told him to come anyways, I mean honestly, who wants those dingy, old, dinghies. Awkward phrasing.

"Jack Sparrow." Tia Dolma met us at the door smiling, her black smile,it kinda made me want to puke, she must have heard me gasp because she turned to look at me. I got another glare, yeah me. "Esmeralda." I nodded and smiled before stepping behind Will.

"Tia Dolma." I snickered as Jack almost hit one of her jars of very strange specimen, he glared at me. I've gotten quite a few of those lately.

"I always knowed the wind was going to blow you back to me one day. " I made another noise she turned to me.

"That, that was just creepy, can you just hold off the consorting until I leave, thanks. "They both glared at me, I just shrugged, really, I didn't want to see that. Will snorted causing her gaze to fall on him, finally.

"You. You have a touch a' destiny about you. William. Turner. " He raised his eyebrow and back away, trodding on my foot in the process, so I pushed him into her.

"You know me?'

"You want to know me. " She was giving him a lecherous smirk, it made me want to keel over.

"Okay, can we stop with this conversation, it's bringing of some bad memories of my terrible experience with half fish people, thanks." I step in between the two of them and push her back, she glares, again.

"We've come for help and we're not leaving without it." Jack grabbed Tia Dolma's arm and starts carting her off to the table, "I thought I knew you. " It almost sounded like he was heartbroken, poor slob.

"Not so well as I'd hoped." She turned and headed to the back, I followed her, then I heard Jack hit another jar, it's almost like he can't see. "Come."

"What service may I do ya?" She started to caress Will's face.

"HEY HEY! WILLIAM TURNER! I DID NOT EXPECT THAT FROM YOU! WHAT WOULD ELIZABETH THINK?" He turned red and hastily jumped back, I could help but snigger at him.

"You know I demand payment. " Tia Dolma was blatantly ignoring what I just said, I had to laugh.

"I brought payment. " He grabbed a hold of the cage with the damn monkey in it and shot him. "Look, an undead monkey. Top that!" He grins and she just grabs the cage and releases the monkey, Gibbs makes a strangled noise, I turned to look at him funny.

"You've no idea how long it took us to catch that." I laughed, I did. It took them almost three hours of chasing that thing around the ship, falling over barrels, and falling from masts, if made our ride here very interesting. 'No help to you." I nodded and turned back to Tia Dolma, wouldn't want her making anymore moves on a taken man would we?

"The payment is fair. "

"We're looking for this." He slaps the drawing down on the table and looks to Tia, she just raised her eyebrow, "And what it goes to."

"The compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this? " Jack just smiled at her.

"Maybe. Why?"

"Aah. Jack Sparrow does not know what he wants. Or do you know but are loath to claim it as your own. Your key go to a chest. And it is what lay inside the chest you seek. Don't it?" She smiled and pointed at her chest, I was too busy trying to comprehend what she was saying.

'For my benefit, do you think you speak with correct grammar?" She ignored me, but I got a glare form Will, I believe I'm going to start counting them to see how many I get a day.

"What is inside? " Gibbs asked, almost drooling, gold hungry thieves. Hey, I'm the same way though.

"Gold? Jewels? Unclaimed properties of valuable nature? " Pinto was doing the same.

"Nothing bad, I hope. " Ravioli whispered smiling, wow, he's a big man.

"You know of Davy Jones, yes?" We all nodded, except for Will, surprise. "A man of the sea. A great sailor. Until he run afoul of that which vex all men. "

"What vexes all men?" I resisted the urge to jerk a knot in Will's head, seeing as he should know, he has the worst one of them.

'What indeed." She whispered reaching over to caress Will's hand, I slap it away and shake my finger at them both.

"Taken indeed."

"The sea?" Gibbs asked smiling, I rolled my eyes, this could take a while.

"Sums. " Pinto was also smiling, what do think they're going to get a cookie if they get it right?

"The dichotomy of good and evil. " Ravioli only raised his eyebrows when we turned to stare at him. Finally Jack showed pity on the male race.

"A woman."

"A woman. Him fell in love." She really does pronounce words very strangely. It was more like, A WOO-MON, than a woman, almost like she'd just smelt something disgusting.

"No no no no, I heard it was the sea he fell in love with." Gibbs was shaking his head and tapping his chin, if I didn't know better I would say he was thinking, but I know better.

"Same story, different version and all are true. See it was a woman as changing, and harsh and untamable as the sea. Him never stopped loving her. But the pain it caused him was too much to live with. But not enough to cause him to die." The way she was describing this woo-mon, was almost like she was describing herself, she got this strange smile on her face and looked happy. That's mad creepy, especially since I heard Jones looked more like a fish than a man.

"What exactly did he put into the chest? " I almost fell over, he still hadn't figured it out?

"His heart fish for brains." I made a fist and acted like it was a heart, Will just glared at me be looked at Tia Dolma, she nodded. One already.

"Him heart." I snarled and turned on her.

'Can you please say his, it's only one letter difference!" She ignored me, Jack threw something and hit me in the head.

"Literally or figuratively?" Ravioli asked, smiling nervously, he really is a coward.

"He couldn't live, putting his heart in a chest. Could he? " Pinto, don't feel like such a big man now do you.

'It was not worth feeling what small, fleeting joy life brings. And so, him carved out him heart, lock it down in a chest, and hide the chest from the world. The key he keep with him at all times. " Every time she used him in place of his, I would yell it out over her next word, hoping to help her correct her grammar, never worked.

"You knew this." Will whirled on Jack who looked startle,d and dropped what ever it was he was about to pocket.

"I did not. I didn't know where the key was. But now we do. So, all that's left is to climb aboard the Flying Dutchman, grab the key, you go back to Port Royal and save your bonnie lass, aye?" Jack smiled and stuffed his fingers in his pocket and smiled, I know he just stole something, I'll find out what in a minute.

"Let me see your hand. " Tia Dolma reaches out for his hand, he gives her the right on, she just stares at him, finally he decided to give her the other one and she removed the bandage to reveal the, dun dun dun, black spot.

"The black spot! " Gibbs does some weird little superstitious thing, and then Pinto and Ravioli copy him, I just started to laugh. Honestly, what a bunch of hooey, what was that supposed to do? 'You won't be laughing when you get it."

'Again, I won't be getting it, I don't do dealings wi-" Jack glared at me, I just rolled my eyes, "death thanks."

'My eyesight's as good as ever, just so you know." Jack then turned back to Tia Dolma who was shaking her head, before heading to the back of her hut, I smacked Jack's wandering hand away from her jewelery, I believe she would notice if that went missing.

"Davy Jones cannot make port. Cannot step on land but once every ten years. Land is where you will be safe, Jack Sparrow, and so you will carry land with you. " Jack looks at it, then back at her like she's an idiot.

'Dirt. This is a jar of dirt."

"Yes. " She smiled with those weird teeth, again I resisted the urge not to keel over.

"Is the... jar of dirt going to help?"

"If you don't want it, give it back. "

"No." Jack clutches it to his chest and turns to the side, I started to laugh until everyone started to glare at me. Two.

"Then it helps."

"It seems... we have a need to find the Flying Dutchman." Will asked turning all attention away from the man clutching the jar of dirt, what a funny site it really was.

"A touch... " She picked up her items for scrying, some crab claws, she and Aragorn should meet, I mean honestly, what can a crab claw or a rock truly tell you? She dropped them on her table that had some map drawn on it, and that's where we are now headed. I already don't like the sound of this.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o000o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"That's the Flying Dutchman?" Gibbs nodded, I resisted the urge to whack him int eh head, I don't think I can afford another glare, I'm already on 143 as it is. "It doesn't look like much."

"Neither do you... do not underestimate it. " I laughed when will missed the very non subtle elbow Jack threw at Gibbs.

"Must've run afoul of the reef. "

"What's your plan? " Jack asked directing our attention back to the moment.\

"I row over, search the ship until I find your bloody key. "

'Do you know how-oompf" jack had slapped his hand over my face to stop me from mentioning that fact that it would be nearly impossible, because a) it's tiny, and b) Jones isn't on that ship.

"And if there are crewmen? " Jack was smiling, and still hadn't released me.

"I cut down anyone in my path. " With that he gave me a very undeserved glare, and walked off. Maybe it's just habit for him now?

"I like it. Simple, easy to remember." Jack smiled, at Gibbs, then released me and ran for it, I of course chased after him until Gibbs tripped me. I kicked him in the shin and started to laugh when he fell over howling about the pain, what can I say, revenge is a dish best served, heck, whenever you feel like it.

"Your chariot awaits you. Ahahaha! " I shoved Pinto off the side and hastily threw him a rope, I was laughing at his glare, 145. Yes. "What the bloody hell was that for?"

'I just felt like it." He glared at me and walked away, 146.

"Oi! If you do have to get captured, just say Jack Sparrow sent you to settle his debt. Might save your life. " Jack just smiled at me when I gave him a very pointed glare, that Will missed, surprise surprise.

"Move on out, ahahaha!" Why Pinto was laughing, no one knows.

"Douse the lamps. " I waited until everyone had left before I cornered Jack.

'You know what you're doing don't you? You told him that on purpose, I just hope you know it isn't going to work." Jack just smiled.

"Course it is love. Course it is." I just scoffed and turned back to watching Will make a fool of him self trying to stop the sailor, and look for the key.

"You know, I can hear the dutch man coming." I whisper to Jack who smiles like a villain before pulling his little periscope out and watching, just then to our left the Dutchman came rearing out of the water and sailors began to materialize out of the ship. I can honestly say I was ouching and oohing until Will got knocked out, a little part of me was a little happy, maybe it would knock some needed sense into him, probably not.

"Oh hello!" I jumped back as Davy Jones, the octopus himself, materialized in front of Jack's periscope, Jack made a face before putting it away.

"You have a debt to pay. " He stepped forward, and Jack took one away. "You've been Captain of the Black Pearl for thirteen years. That was our agreement. " I just stared at Jack who pleaded with me to help him, I just sat back and watched.

"Technically, I was only Captain for two years, then I was viciously mutinied upon. " I couldn't help but laugh, causing Jones to glare in my direction, 147,I waved before being captured by one of his nasty crew members. It was one I already had pleasure of knowing, mister Old Gregg. Joy.

"Hello, do you remember me?" He smiled, I had closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

'How could I forget you after we were so intimate that fateful day." I grimaced as his smile got bigger. "Jack, can you hurry up, his skirt is weirding me out man. " Said fish boy kissed my cheek, I shuddered and felt my eye start to twitch, where was Legolas when you needed him?

"Then you were a poor Captain, but a Captain nonetheless. Have you not introduced yourself all these years as 'Captain Jack Sparrow'? " Jones' crew all laughed, even fish boy, I wonder how he died?

'How did you die?" They all turned to look at me funny. "No just the undecided gender over here." I pointed to Gregg and they all turned back to Jones.

"Yeah, I gave you payment. One soul to serve on your ship is already over there. " He pointed back the ship.

"One soul is not equal to another. " Jones snapped taking another step towards Jack, I was too busy trying to pry Fishboy's hands off me, it wasn't working very well.

"Aha! So we've establish my proposal is sound in principle, now we're just haggling over price. " Jack smiled, Jones just raised an eyebrow and made some strange noise, I scrunched my nose at him, and started to waddle towards Jack.

"Price?"

"Just how many souls, do you think, my soul is worth?" Jack smiled, before giving me a strange look, I had managed to waddle right up to him and was just looking pointedly at him. 'What is it you want?"

'Your help." Jack just looked from me to Fish face, and then his mouth formed an 'o' before he started laughing at me. "Help me, or I'll kill you myself." I snarled, Jones started to laugh so I glared at him. 'What are you laughing at you pile of tentacles? I don't believe I was talking to you, you're the reason this thing, is licking my hair." He shut up instantly, I continued to glare at him.

'I have to say no, I won't help." I snarled at Jack before wheeling on Jones.

"I demand you take him off, NOW!" Jones just started to chuckle. I waddled up to him in stood on my tippy toes to glare at him. ;'Take him off now, or I will be forced to show you his downstairs mix up. UP CLOSE!" He jumped and then order Gregg to get off, he still didn't move so I whacked my head backwards and then kicked him over to the rail. Deja vu much?

"Why didn't you do that in the first place?" I turned to Jack who was scratching his head.

'I don't know. Now hurry the hell up so I can go wash his germs off of me, please." Jones was laughing again. "IS SOMETHING FUNNY OCTOPUS? I DON"T THINK YOU WOULD LIKE IT IF HE"D LICKED YOU!" He snapped his mouth shut before turning back to Jack, see he wasn't so scary.

'Get your wench under control before I am forced to." I felt my face turn red.

'Now excuse me, I've fought orcs, goblins, cave trolls, and anything else you can throw at me, I am not afraid of one tentacly old man, savvy? So next time you call me wench, I might be forced to chop on off of you face, savvy?" I made sure to prod him in the chest with every word I said, Jack laughed at Jones uncomfortably while placing me in a headlock at the same time.

'She's just tired is all." The crew started to cackle, it's a good thing I can't reach Jack's most vulnerable spot, of he would be in a world of pain for what he just implied.

"One hundred souls. Three days." Jones snapped ignoring the glares I was sending in his direction.

"You're a darling, mate. Send me back the boy, I'll get started right off. " He starts to drag me off but gets stopped by one a shark faced man. Wonderful, they're all half fish. And they smell even worse, Jack smells oddly like Paprika. I'll have to ask him about that one.

"I keep the boy, a good, faith payment. That leaves you only ninety-nine to go. Haha, haha." Wow, his laugh sound nosily.

"Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic, a terrific soprano. Worth at least four, maybe three and a half. And did I happen to mention... he's in love. With a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing them to be joined in holy matrimony. Aye? " Jack was still dragging me around, I bit him and he finally released me with a yelp, I glared a murderous glare at him, when we get done, he will be dead.

"I keep the boy. Ninety-nine souls-ah. But I wonder, Sparrow... can you live with this? Can you condemn an innocent man - a friend - to a lifetime of servitude in your name while you roam free? " You know what I noticed, he makes a very strange noise after he speaks, very creepy man.

"Yep. I'm good with it. Shall we seal it in blood, I mean, uh, ink?" I Snickered when Jones grabbed Jack's left hand with his tentacle and covered it with slime, even Jack was making a face, and he's a very dirty man.

"Three days-ah. " With that they disappeared off the ship, and I whirled on Jack, he slapped his right hand back over my mouth and turned to Gibbs.

"I feel sullied and unusual."

"And how do we intend to harvest these ninety-nine souls in three days?"Gibbs asked smiling. I just rolled me eyes, preparing to attack Jack as soon as this little spiel was over.

"Fortunately, he was mum as the condition in which these souls need be. " He reached over and wiped the goo on Gibbs vest, who said nothing.

"Aah, Tortuga. '

"Tortuga". With that he let go and ran off, I was right after him with my sword out yelling obscenities until I chased him up into the crow's nest, which I was in no mood to climb.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o

"And what makes you think you're worthy to crew the Black Pearl? " I was sitting beside Gibbs drinking down a bottle of rum and watching to see how many people we would get, Jack was sitting in the corner mumbling to his broken compass, typical.

"Truth be told, I never sailed a day in me life. I figure I should get out and see the world while I'm still young." I practically spit my drink out all over the man, he looked to be at least seventy something if not more.

"Young?" I asked wiping my mouth, ignoring Gibbs glares. Er...149?

"You'll do. Make your mark. " I shoved the roster over to the man and shook my head, this should be good. "NEXT!:

"My wife run off with my dog, and I'm drunk for a month, and I don't give an ass rat's if I live or die." What a story.

"Perfect! Next!"

"I know what I want, I know what I want, I know what I want." I turned to find Jack sitting in the corner with his eyes closed mumbling over the compass, I threw a quill at him, only it missed.

'Still nothing then old man?" He glared and continued to mumble, I just shrugged and turned back tot he latest recruit, a cripple, let's see where Gibbs throws him.

"Me have one arm and a bum leg."

"It's the crow's nest for you. "Gibbs said smiling.

"If you can make it up there." I mumbled, receiving an elbow to the rib.

"Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to sail the seas. Forever. " I exchanged a look with Gibbs before pointing to the roster.

'Come aboard." I smiled hoping the man would move faster.

"How are we going? " Jack shouts, finally putting the compass down.

"Including those four? That gives us... four." Jack nod s before shaking the compass until he ended up throwing it at the person passed out in front of him, he gets up and mumbles an apology before doing it again.

'My story?"

'No mine." I said glaring at him, he looked oddly familiar, he smelled terrible.

"It's exactly the same as your story, just one chapter behind. I chased a man across the seven seas. The pursuit cost me my crew, my commission, and my life. " I noticed Jack had stopped shaking his compass and began looking for some place to hide, I just sipped my rum, fingering the hilt of my sword, and looking closely at the very angry man.

"Commodore? " AHA! I knew I knew that man!

"I should hope you aren't commodore anymore, when you dress that bad Norrington. Ghastly. "He just glared at me before jerking my rum out of my hand and swigging half of it.

"No, not anymore, weren't you listening?" Jack grabbed a plant leaf and was trying to hide behind it, I just started laughing, causing Norrington to glare at me. "I nearly had you all off Tripoli. I would've, if not for the hurricane. "

"You tried to say through a hurricane? Man no wonder you're not a commodore anymore, that was just stupid." I said, he turned to glare at me again. 151, and going strong.

"So do I make your crew or not? You haven't said where you're going. Somewhere nice! " I jumped up just in time for him to knock the table, and Gibbs, over. Then the dumb fart starts to trot around the tavern like he's something special, I just raised both my eyebrows before exchanging a look with Gibbs. "So am I worthy to serve under Captain Jack Sparrow?" Jack was still trying to walk inconspicuously away, with a plant leaf in his face, great camouflage. Guess what? Norrington found him, surprise really. I didn't see that coming at all. "Or should I just kill you now? "

'You're hired." Jack smiles around the plant, Norrington shrugged.

"Sorry. Old habits and all that. " He was about to shoot when two pirates pushed his hand up the the ceiling I didn't stay around to watch I ran off behind Jack.

"Time to go!" I nodded before sprinting off in front of him. The whole time we're trying to run for our lives, Jack starts trying on hats, he just takes them right off of people and puts them on others, he even knocked one guy off the stairs. That's Jack for you. I looked down on the ground floor and saw that the band had started up and was playing a very fast tempo, almost as if they were enjoying this fight, I wouldn't doubt it.

'Carry on," I looked back at Jack to see some man being thrown off the balcony, vicious people these pirates.

"Come on, then! Who wants some? For my lordly line, I'll have you one by one. Come on, who's first? " I turned back to finish the fight and saw Norrington cornered with another man, only it didn't really look like man, said person had long blond hair in a braided was looking out into the crowd as if trying to find someone. Funny, that person looks so familiar too. Said person grabbed a bottle and broke it over Norrington's head and then smiled apologetically at the pirates.

"I just wanted the pleasure of doing that myself. " Hm.

"Esme! Time to go!" I nodded and turned to follow Jack, who is that I wonder?

"Where too captain?" I muttered while walking back to the ship, this trip has really been unhelpful.

" Not su-"

'Captain Sparrow?" That voice was rather familiar I turned to find the same man, it from earlier.

"Come to join me crew, lad? Welcome aboard."Jack smiled before turning back to head aboard.

"I'm here to find the man I love." I blanched and whirled back around, Jack motioned for Gibbs to take the 'lad' away.

"I'm deeply flattered, son, but my first and only love is the sea." Jack continued to make signs at Gibbs, while Norrington threw up into the bay.

"Meaning William Turner, Captain Sparrow." Jack turns back to her, I just continued to look at her funny, if she's here, Legolas should be too...

"Elizabeth, Gibbs, hide the rum. You know these clothes do not flatter you at all. It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin. "

"I do actually." He glared at me, she just ignored us.

"Jack. I know Will came to find you, where is he?" Eru, she was whining again.

"Eru, I'm already tired of you and you just showed up." I slapped my hand on my forehead.

"Darling, I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable series of circumstances that had nothing whatsoever to do with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones's crew. "

"Completely unforeseeable circumstances?" I repeated, staring at Jack who smiled at me, making his eyes huge.

"Davy Jones? " She's worse than Will.

"Oh, please. The Captain of the Flying Dutchman? " Jack turned his attention to Norrington and grimaced.

"You look bloody awful, what are you doing here?"

"You hired me. I can't help your standards are lax." Jack bristled.

'You smell funny."

"Jack! " OH my goodness she is so whiny, I don't think I can take it. 'All I want is to find Will. "

"Are you certain? Is that what you really want most?" OH man, why do I not get a good feeling about this?

'Of course."

"Because I would think, you'd want to find a way to save Will most. "

"And you have a way of doing that?" I rolled my eyes and shared a look with Norrington, at least he understood.

"Imagine, you could be stuck with this, aren't you happy you aren't?" He just looked confused so I shook my head, I spoke too soon.

"Well,there is a chest."

"Oh, dear." Norrington just rolled his eyes.

"A chest of unknown size and origin."

"What contains the still beating heart of Davy Jones. " I jumped when Ravioli and Pinto walked by, Pinto started to act like his hand was a heart, Elizabeth just looked at him funny.

"And whoever possesses that chest, possesses the leverage to command Jones to do whatever it is he or she wants. Including saving brave William from his grim fate. " Jack ignored the looks I was sending in his direction. He really was getting in kinda deep here.

"You don't actually believe him, do you? " Norrington sent Jack a strange look before turning back to Elizabeth.

"How do we find it?"

"With this, my compass is unique." He hands her the compass and both Norrington and I scoff.

"Unique meaning broken." I whispered at the same time as Norrington.

"True enough. This compass doesn't point North."

"Where then does it point?"

"It points to the thing you want most in this world. " Jack made a gesture with his hands that just made me want to hit him.

"Jack, are you telling the truth?"

'Every word, love. And what you want most in this world... is to find the chest of Davy Jones, is it not?" He placed the compass in her hands and jumped away, she looked like she was about to cry.

'To find Will."

'I swear, you whine like that one more time, and I will throw you over board, before you even get on board." I snarled, until I felt someone's hands on my shoulder.

"That would be very unwise, _mellonmin_." (My love). I whirled around to find Legolas smiling at me, I squeal and jumped on him.

"Um, excuse me you two, I know you missed each other but, could you kind of, STOP!" I jumped away from Legolas blood red, and smiled at Jack before motioning for him to continue. "Thank you."

"We have our heading."I noticed Jack was peering over the side of her hands as if he was scared that he would change the compass by being near it, I snickered and smiled at Legolas.

"Finally! Cast off those lines, weigh anchor, and trough that canvas! " Jack bowed Elizabeth aboard, and didn't even pay attention to Norrington who followed anyway.

"Welcome to the crew, former commodore.' Pinto laughed while thrusting a goat into Norrington's arms, I started to laugh at him before he turned to glare at me. 152. Or somewhat.

"So Legolas, how did you manage to escape with her?" I asked wrapping my arms around his waist, he smiled down at me, and kissed my forehead.

"I used her as bait."

**Author's Note:** Whew, eleven pages, the most I believe I have ever done actually. Well, tell me what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

The Dead Man's What?

**Author's Note:** So what's going on? I meant to update last weekend, but the storm we had here knocked my computer haywire and I had to get it fixed, but, here you go! I apologize for the very late update, my muse decided to take an extended vacay in the Alps, don't worry he was severely punished with feathers and tar. All is well. Enjoy!

**Reviews:**

**Readerfreak10: ** Man, I knew I was behind on something! Too true.

**emerald lady: ** I had definitely just watched that movie before I wrote that chapter! My Favorite!

**Lady Lea: **Thanks as always!

Chapter Four: Girl Interrupted.

"Beckett?" I stifled a laugh still can't think of him as a Lord, obviously neither can Jack.

'Yup, he's a lord now. Imagine that. " Jack nodded before turning back to Elizabeth, who had still yet to stop whining.

"Yes, they're signed 'Lord Cutler Beckett of the East India Trading Company.' Ah, I remember those letters she's waving around, I snatched them out of her hand, and placing my hand on her forehead kept her far enough away to let me read them.

'Well Jack, you've always wanted to be under the king's orders, here's your chance to do it for free, "I removed my hand Elizabeth had started to lean into, she fell, Legolas hissed as she clunked to the floor, I shook my head, silly girl. "Does he really think pirates could be bought for such a cheap price? " I dropped the letters on her back, she glared up at me, I smiled cheekily.

"Euhh. "

"Will was working for Beckett and never said a word." Gibbs whispered, I started at him. "What?"

'Well of course he wouldn't tell us! What would you have done to him if he had, kill him? Torture him? Eru, you are an idiot.'

'Would not have!"

'Yeah, you would've actually." Jack said nodding, Gibbs stared at him, I smiled.

'See."

"Beckett wants the compass. Only one reason for that. " Good man, change the subject.

"Whatever for?" Ah, there was the confused Legolas I loved so much.

"Of course. He wants the chest."

"Shouldn't he have enough, I mean he is in charge of the trading company of most of the Caribbean." I patted Legolas on his arm and made a motion for him to stop asking questions.

"Yes, he did say something about a chest. "

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS AND I DON'T?" Legolas shouted whirling on Elizabeth who had finally gotten to her feet.

'Maybe you weren't listening."

'Oh yes that makes since seeing as I'm an elf and can hear better than you." Legolas crossed his arm and started to sulk, I just laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

'I'll explain later I promise." He just smiled at me.

"If the Company controls the chest, they control the sea. " Jack nodded and turned to me.

"A truly discomforting notion, love. "

"Aye, can you imagine, makes me shiver just thinking about it." I shook my head and turned to Elizabeth, "Is that all you got?"

"Aye." Told you she was worthless.

"Baaad! Bad for every mother's son what calls himself pirate."

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean you old geezer?" He just glared at me. Where the hell does he come up with these sayings of his, honestly?

I think there's a bit more speed to be coaxed from these sails. " He walked off shouting orders about foreheads or something, he really is losing it.

"Might I inquire as to how you came by these?"

'Persuasion." Legolas snorted, Elizabeth glared at him, he smiled.

"Friendly?"

"Decidedly not."

"It was more like this Jack, I held him, she asked question, he quivered as I fingered my arrows, savvy?' Legolas smirked at the glaring Elizabeth, I knew it wasn't her that had earned the letters.

"Ah, Will strikes a deal for these and upholds it with honor, yet you are the one standing here with the prize. Full pardon, commissioned as a privateer on behalf of England and the East India Trading Company... Ta, as if I could be bought for such a low price."

'Told you." Legolas just rolled his eyes at me.

"Jack, the letters, give them back. " Whiny whiny whiny.

"No. Persuade me." Oh dear, not this again.

"You do know Will taught me how to handle a sword."

"You do know, that still doesn't mean you know how, right?" Elizabeth glared at me, I just smiled and waved. "I'm not gonna lie you know." Legolas just placed his hand over my mouth, familiar sensation.

"As I said... persuade me." Jack just smirked at her as she huffed and walked away, not a very good persuader at all.

"I could have done better.'

"You would have been more violent, that's why I didn't ask you too." Jack smiled before running off to the galley.

"It's true, I would have kicked him and then run off with them as he sat groaning, he knows me too well." I shrugged and walked off, wonder what Pinto's up too; suppose I could drop in and visit him...mwuauhahah.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o00oo0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are... troubled. " Jack sat down next to a moping Elizabeth, I just wanted to hurl something at her.

'You have one of those?" I threw as I ran by chasing after Pinto who had dropped a pail of water over my head.

"Yes." He snarled and glared, I just shrugged and kept going, well, only to hide, Pinto popped up behind me not long after, I kicked him out and snickered as he glared at me.

"I just thought I'd be married by now. I'm so ready to be married. " is it me, or is she still whining?

"What are you doing" I whacked my head on the side of the ship and turned to find attractive azure eyes boring into mine, almost like I was doing something wrong. Which... I wasn't.

'What I always do, eavesdrop, come join?" He rolle dhis eyes before laying down beside me.

"You know... Lizzie, I am Captain of a ship and being captain of a ship I could, in fact, perform a marriage right here. Right on this deck. Right… now." I had to slap both of my hands over my face to stop from laughing out loud, he really was quite a horny man.

"No, thank you. "

"That has to be the smartest thing I've ever seen her do." Legolas mouth was wide open, I reached over and closed it, and patted him on the cheek, alway so dumb.

"Why not? We are very much alike you and I. I and you... us. " Oh here we go.

"Except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center. And personal hygiene." Ouch, he was in need of a bath desperatly, only, we've never told him in such blunt terms.

"Trifles. You will come over to my side, I know it." I laughed as he tried to conceal the fact that he was smelling his arm pits, what a dork.

"You seem very certain."

"One word, love: curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to do because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it's like. One day... you won't be able to resist. " He smirked as Elizabeth just looked at him, i laughed into Legolas' tunic, even he was shaking with laughter, these two were quite the evening entertainment.

"Why doesn't your compass work?"

"Oh, nice cover." I slapped my hands over my mouth and layed on the floor hoping they hadn't heard me, there was few moments of silence but nothing more.

"My compass works fine.' Leave it to Jack to get upset over something so stupid; or maybe he was defending his manhood hm?

"Because you and I are alike. And there will come a moment when you have a chance to show it. To do the right thing."

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by. " That has to be the funniest thing I've ever heard him say, and it is so true.

"You'll have the chance to do something... something courageous. And when you do, you'll discover something. That you're a good man."

"Oh contrare" I shouted standing up, they all turned to me and Legoals jerked me back down giving me a look, yeah, really need to control that.

"No, I have faith in you. You want to know why? " No not really.

"Do tell, dearie."

"Curiosity. You're going to want it - a chance to be admired - and gain the rewards that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like." Oh ew, I just threw up in my mouth, with every stament she leaned in and licked her lips, now shes waiting for him to kiss her, I slowly stand and take a barrell with me, have to do the same that I did for Will; I lobbed the barrell that connected with Jack's face making a sickening crunch.

"ENGAGED!" I shouted before running off so that Jack couldn't catch me; oh I'm good.

"That was a little much don't you think?" Legolas asked flopping down beside me. Yes, the prince of the Mirkwood elves flopped, amazing I know.

"Land ho!!" I fell down the stairs landing with my feet over my head glaring up at a laughing elf and a stupid fat Gibbs smirking.

'I hate you, with every fiber of my immortal being." Legolas just laughed even harder.

"I need my jar of dirt!" Jack went flying bad my head, almost stepping on it mind you, I just grunted and pushed myself back up. Does he honestly think that dirt does anything..I mean seriously?

"Well, come on Esme let's go." I nodded and watched Legolas jump lithly into the boat, I on the other hand had to trip, knocking the ropes and sending the boat flying to the water with a loud thud. "Alrigth, that's one way to get down." Jack said smirking, holding on to his dirt to his chest. I made to take it and he snapped at my hands, what a sad, strange man he is.

"You're pulling too fast." Pintel screamed at Ravioli who was huffing and puffing on the other side of the dinghy.

"You're pulling too slow!"Ravioli retorted pulling his oars faster.

"We don't want the Kraken to catch us. I'm saving me strength for when it comes. Just don't think it's Kraken, anyways. Always heard it says Kray-ken."

"What's with the long 'a'?"

"Aha."Pinto commented nodding his head.

"No no no no no. "Kroken"'s how it's pronounced in the original Scandinavian, and "Kraken"'s closer to that." Ravioli shook his head at Pinto who was looking perturbed.

"Well, we ain't original Scandinavians, are we? Kray-ken."Pinto smirked like he'd won something. I shared a look with Legolas before pushing both of them spluttering out of the boat and looking over the edge smirking.

"You're both wrong. It's the Kraken as in Crack-in. Savvy?" They nodded and I smiled allowing them to scramble back on board, Jack just shook his head at us.

"Guard the boat; mind the tides... don't touch my dirt." Jack threw his coat on Ravioli's head before grabbing a shovel and jumping out of the boat, Legolas was about to make another unbelievably graceful exit, so I did the only right thing to do in that moment. I shoved him face fist into the water before using his body as my steps to get onto the sand, problem number one. Problem number two, Legolas doesn't like getting used as steps so he grabbed my feet and jerked them out from under me causing me to splash into the water beside him before he started to tickle me mercilessly; the only reason he stopped was because Jack threw his shovel barely missing his head.

"Don't do that again." Legolas smirked sticking his hand out to help me up, I snorted and knocked his hand out of my way.

"I don't need you help thank you very much." His smirk just got larger as I acted like a dinosaur trying to crawl out of the water making loud sound effects.

"Child."

'Grandma."

"Elfling."

'Really, really ancient grandma."

"SHUT IT!!" Elizabeth shouted turning to us, I sent her a heated glare and made to shove my sleeves up but Legolas caught me and shook his head. "For gods sake we have more important things than watch the two of you act like that! How old are you, five?"

'Oh, someone's is way to bitter. It's sexual tension my dear, no need to get flustered.' I patted the bristled Legolas on the head and stomped past the blushing girl and caught up with Jack who was busying surveying the island.

"And what does the compass say dear Lizzie?" She whirled around pulling the thing out and starting to shake it.

"You know, in order for it to settle on a direction, you might not want to shake it causing movement, smart ass." I commented sitting down and throwing my arms behind my head, she sent me a very heated glare, I winked and smiled back; Legolas came and sat down, gracefully, with his back turned to me and leaned back.

"I wonder if she has a brain sometimes?"

"Apparently not."

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" She screamed finally stopping the constant shaking of the compass. "This doesn't work. And it certainly doesn't show you what you want most." She threw Jack a contemptuous glare before throwing herself onto the ground; he just waltzed over to her peering over her shoulder, at first I though he was trying to catch a peak down her shirt and was going to lob a sand ball at him but Legolas pointed out his eyes were adverted from that area.

"Yes, it does, you're sitting on it." I blanched and began to form another ball of sand.

"Beg pardon?" She looked flabbergasted, I started sniggering at her.

"Move." Jack waved her off before pointing at the ground where she had been sitting. He whistled to Norrington, who rolled his eyes before stepping on the shovel and beginning to dig. I leaned back on Legolas, getting a feather up my nose and decided better of trying to sleep on his back.

"You know, that's quite annoying, getting a feather up my nose everytime I lean on you."

'Well that's not my fault." He retorted chuckling.

"Is too, you're the one wearing the stupid quiver." I huffed before leaning again, smacking one of his arrows out of my face and closing my eyes...this is too boring.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"It's real." Elizabeth breathed, my nostrils flared when her breath hit my face.

'Do you own a toothbrush, per chance." She glared at me, I just smiled.

"You actually were telling the truth. " Norrington just stared at Jack, he looked like he'd been given a treat.

"I do that quite a lot, yet people are still surprised." Jack smiled, I just rolled my eyes.

"With good reason." We all turned to see Will standing before us, in the most cliché of hero poses.

"Ohhhhh, good entrance. Way to make that work." Will and Elizabeth just sent me a glare. I held my hands up. 'It was only a compliment, no offense meant."

"You're alright, thank God! I came to find you." Elizabeth threw herself at Will and they started kissing, I noticed Jack and Norrington staring at them jealously and I just had to laugh.

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHA...you old bags! You are so jeal-" Jack smacked his hand over my mouth smiling innocently at the now staring couple.

"How did you get here?"

"Sea turtles, mate. A pair of them strapped to my feet."

"Oh Eru that was lame.' They all ignored me.

"Not so easy is it?" Jack smirked.

"But I do owe you thanks, Jack."

"You do?"

"Oup, here it comes, the missile that started a war." Everyone just rolled there eyes except for Legolas who nodded.

"After you tricked me onto that ship, to square your debt with Jones." Will started, Elizabeth sent Jack a mightily surprised look.

"WHAT?!" Did I mention how much of a chicken she sounded like just then?

"What?" Jack asked looking around like he had no idea what was going on, I snorted and just shook my head, classic Jack move.

"I was reunited with my father." Will's grip on Elizabeth became tighter, I just snorted again.

"Oh, well, you're welcome, then."

'Alls well that ends well." I smiled clapping my hands, Elizabeth sent me another glare. "Look girl, do that one more time and you won't have any eyebrows to furrow at me, understood?"

"Everything you said to me, every word was a lie!"

"Le gasp!" I placed my hand on my forehead before acting like I was fainting, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, Legolas just grabbed my hand and pulled me back up.

"Really..."

"Pretty much. Time and tide, love. Hey, what are you doing?" Jack whirled on Will who had pulled his knife out and was preparing to stab the heart.

"I'm gonna kill Jones." I stepped on the knife right as Jack pulled his sword out and leveled it at Will's neck.

"Can't let you do that, William. 'Cause if Jones is dead, who's to call his terrible beastie off the hunt, eh?" Will sighed and stood up. "Now if you please, the key?" Will smirked before grabbing Elizabeth's sword and pointing it at Jack.

"I keep the promises I make, Jack. I intend to free my father. And I hope you're here to see it."

'Oh this dramatic pride and father/son bond is just killing me." I smirked and crossed my arm. "What a dork, don't know anything about the rules of this game do you ol'boy" Will just glared at me.

"I can't let you do that, either. So sorry." Norrington sent Will one of my trademark grins, I smacked him on the back.

"I knew I'd rub off on you." He just glared at me. "Alright then." I stepped back crossing my arms again.

"I knew you'd warm up to me eventually." Jack commented smiling, I laughed when they all switched sword positions.

"Lord Beckett desires the contents of that chest. I deliver it: I get my life back.

"Ah, the dark side of ambition." Jack smiled at Norrington.

"Oh, I prefer to see it as the promise of redemption." They start fighting and running away, Will trips and falls, I just start laughing.

"WILL!" Elizabeth fell down beside him, he just pushed past her standing up.

"What a chivalrous man." Legolas commented smirking, I love him sometimes.

"Guard the chest." She gasped and glared at his retreating back, I just smirked and Legolas had quite the smug look on his face.

"This is not funny! This is no way for grown men to - Oh, fine! Let's just pull out our swords and start banging away at each other, that's all there ever is. I've had it! I've had it with wobbly-legged, rum-soaked pirates" She stomped her foot, she didn't notice Pinto and Ravioli had joined us.

"How'd this go all screwy?" Pinto asked scratching his head.

"Well, each wants the chest for hisself, don't 'e? Mr. Norrington, I think, is trying to regain a bit of honor. Ol' Jack's looking to trade it, save his own skin. And Turner there - I think 'e's trying to settle some unresolved business twixt him and his twice-cursed pirate father." I nodded.

'Pretty good mate." He smiled at me before turning back to the screaming Elizabeth.

"That chest must be worth more than a shiny penny." Ravioli commented nodding to the chest, I felt Legolas stiffen beside me.

"Terrible temptation." Ravioli tsked smirking.

"If we was any kind of decent, we'd remove temptation from their path." They smiled and ran for the chest, I sent Legolas a grin he returned a smirk.

"Let's give them a head start?" He nodded his smirk beginning to get larger as he reached for his bow; I placed my hand on it, he raised his eyebrow. "That wouldn't be much fun, especially for me, we'll use blades." He nodded and replaced his bow, we were watching them until something in the corner of our eye made us turn to see Elizabeth pretending to faint. I couldn't help it I just started guffawing slapping my knee and everything. She turned and glared before noticing the chest was gone.

'You let them take it?" She looked incredulous.

"Yup, we were making this funner for ourselves, you know, thrills of the hunt." Legolas replied looking at his nails; her eyes almost popped out of her head. "Ready?"

'Set."

"GO!" We both shouted before running off, leaving a very pissed off maiden behind us. I Just laughed and sped up Legolas matching my speed. Pinto and Ravioli were already back into our sights now, I just smirked and sped up again.

"We GOT IT!" Pinto screamed before I stepped out smirking in front of him. Elizabeth came flying out very ungracefully after me.

'YOU JUST RUINED THAT MOMENT!" I screamed at her, she just shook her head before standing and smirking at them; she reaches for her sword and doesn't find one, they smirk and pull theirs out, I just roll my eyes and step forward not even pulling my sword out.

'Ello poppets!" Just then a big wooden wheel rolls by with Will and Norrington fencing on the top of it as it rolled, not two minutes later Jack came flying after it, I just started to laugh.

"That's not something you see everyday." They turned their attentions back to us and were about to strike when a hatchet whizzed right across my face to thud in a tree right beside me. "OH god, I think I just lost ten years off my life."

"Not that that does much." Legolas commented dropping down beside me scaring the shit out of me, Ravioli, and Pinto; Elizabeth was too busy glaring after the wheel. I turned to the direction the hatchet came form to see all kinds of weird fish things coming over the horizon; I shivered. Oh the memories, Legolas shared a look with me before turning around and facing them.

"Time to go?" Ravioli nodded before handing Elizabeth both their swords and running off with the chest; they hit a tree and dropped it, Elizabeth stepped forward trying to guard it, I shared a look with Legolas who sighed before stepping up beside her.

"I suppose I ought to save you so that I don't have to hear stupid Will crying." I said stepping up to her other side, Ravioli and Pinto came back forward, I threw one of them my sword. "Lose and or scratch it, you die." Pinto nodded staring down at the sword in awe. Some creepy creature came forward brandishing a sword at me smirking; I awed and made to look like I was scared before braining him and running to the next guy sweeping my leg across the ground knocking his feet out from under him; I missed the frightened look sent my way from the three humans.

'Yeah, she can get kinda scary in hand to hand combat. One time, she wasn't even trying and took out about ten guys just trying to stay clean." Legolas commented, the three switched their frightened looks to him, he nodded before joining the fray. I came flying back through the air my foot connecting with the head of one guy sending him flying into the tree.

'Any time you guys want to help, it's greatly appreciated." I glared before punching this one guy in the stomach for breathing down my neck. "Your breath smells worse than Barbossa's." The three finally got the clue before jumping in hacking away and switching off swords.

"Sword!" Ravioli yelled having Pinto throw him the sword, I brained another guy before running by and punching the heel of my hand up into another's nose.

'You have fists as well you know!" I shouted narrowly missing the dagger thrown at me.

"That's why we want swords, thanks. SWORD!" Elizabeth shouted before stabbing another guy in the gut. I caught sight of one guy picking up the chest and turned to chase after but was cut off by my most favorite friend.

"Did ya miss me?" I cringed and took a step back. His bright pink net skirt just brought back terrible memories.

'No, not really." I commented turning to run but hitting a tree first. "Oh hell." The slimy green thing grabbed my shoulder pulling me back up, I whimpered before striking my fist out and punching him square in the jaw; He dropped me to grab his face I took that moment to go running and screaming in the direction the other guy took the chest. I heard Legolas call my name before following after me. What happened next was a blur of green, some fruit, and dreadlocks.

Out of nowhere Jack comes crashing down on my knocking me face first into a cantelope, or something, and grass.

"Oh Eru, I think I broke something." I pull my hand out from under me to see a melon cracked open, Jack was still sitting on me. "GET OFF YOU GREAT OAF!" I shouted standing and sending him backwards.

'Oh hello, so you're what I landed on." I nodded, he just smiled before picking up the fruit and lobbing it off to the side, I followed his sight and saw a body milling around with out it's head.

'That's convenient." He shrugged and we both ran off towards the chest.

"Anido! Anido! Follow my voice, follow my voice!" The body was stumbling around and I was leaning against a palm tree laughing, Jack just started to unlock the chest. "To the left. No! Other left. Go... No, that's a tree. "

"STRAIGHT!" I screamed until Jack hit me and nodded to run away, I laughed once more before following after him leaving the poor helpless head. We reached the boat first and Jack stuck the heart in his jar of precious dirt before slamming it shut and turning just in time to knock something out with an oar. The wheel came groaning out into the water before it took a finally roll and fell over to the side. Will tried to stand but fell straight back down; Norrington however stood and ran over to the boat and grabbed something before running off as well. I just waltzed over and took a seat in the boat. Will, Pinto and Ravioli came running over, none of them noticed me though, surprisingly. Will grabbed the chest and was about to open it when Jack came out of nowhere and knocked the shit out of Will with his oar making it look like an accident.

'Ace job there Captain." I commented tipping an imaginary hat, Jack returned it with a nod.

'As always.

"WILL!" Elizabeth came running over to us and tried grabbing him, Jack smacked his oar down on his back right in front of her face.

"Leave him lie! Unless you plan on using him to hit something with."

"He could be used well for that, considering how impeccably hard his head is." I nearly jumped out of my skin when Legolas sat beside me wrapping his arm around my shoulder and handing me my sword. "Thought you might like this, one of those buffoons dropped it awhile back and I graciously nabbed it for you." I kissed him before turning to glare at said buffoons.

"I thought I told you to guard it with your lives?" They gulped.

"You're mad." I looked away from the quivering pirates to Elizabeth who was staring incredulously at Norrington who was holding the chest in his hand.

"Don't wait for me." With that he set off, I cocked my head. That was not like him to do that, I looked down at the jar of dirt and noticed the lid hadn't been shut properly, not something Jack would do.

"NO! DON'T LET HIM GO! HE'S GOING TO GET CAUGHT!" I jumped up and tried to jumped off after him, but Legolas made me sit down.

"I hadn't known you had grown so attached." Jack simpered smirking, I sent him a murderous glare.

"You're an idiot, and when you die for it I shan't shed a tear." He blanched and turned back to rowing. "Now please, go back, unless you want the Kraken to kill you." he just smirked.

"No need to worry."

"Fine, I hope you die." I sat back fuming, Legolas planted a kiss on my forehead.

"_Mani naa ta Lirimaer_?" (What is it my lovely one?) He whispered placing kisses from my temple to my ear.

"_Caelro i'hoon."_ (He has the heart.). Legolas blanched.

"_Mani? Jack n'caelta?" _(What? Does Jack not have it?) I shook my head, "Damn."

"We would all enjoy understanding what you two have been whispering about so secretly if you don't mind?" Jack said smiling down at me, I just glared.

"I tried to tell you earlier, you surely wouldn't care now would you?" I smirked at the glare Jack gave me.

"If it's about how you miss Norrington, then no"

"Alright then." I'll laugh when he realized how stupid he truly is...poor silly Jack.; then I noticed something bright pink in the water and let out a heart stopping scream. Oh this is not good.

**Author's Note:** Well,tell me what you think for this long awaited update? And also, I just published a new story, it's not about either of these two wonderful stories...but if you could just hop on over there and show some love, I'd greatly appreciate it, thanks! For those wondering, it's title is, A Wakeup Call for Jamaica.


	5. Chapter 5

The Dead Man's What?

**Author's Note:** First bit of business, I've come to the choice of combining both Dead Man's Chest and At World's End because this story is going to end rather quickly with only a few chapters so now you know, this won't end with the end of this installment but shall follow till the end of the trilogy so there! I've decided to grace you all with another chapter to make up for my dreadfully long absence. So, here you are enjoy!

**Reviews:**

**queenofspades19: **We shall see, indeed we shall see.

**Valinor's Twilight: **Thank you!

**Lady Lea: **Muchos gracias.

**Mariano's-twins: **I had to watch it the day before I updated just so I could remember what happened...eheh. Aye aye captain.

Chapter Five: Miss meeeee??

"Eugggghhh my head." I grumbled smacking my palm to my forehead and shaking my head.

'Oh look! She's coming to, no we don't need that anymore. No stop, there is-" Legolas was caught off when I got a face full of yummy, salty sea water; I rose spluttering and cussing.

"WHAT THE HELL I WAS AWAKE YOU DUMB SHIT!" I wiped the seaweed out of my eye and blinked my eyes a few times. "What happened?" Jack opened his mouth to respond until the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life stepped forward wearing bright pink spandex.

'HELLO HELLO HELLO!" I froze and cringed away. 'Are you not going to say hullo to your dear old granddad than?" I shook my head and scooted further back.

"Wasn't planning on it, no. And what the hell are you doing here, in pink spandex you freak? I thought you had gone missing when I left Port Royal?" He placed his finger on his chin and thought for a moment, that's a new one.

'No, actually I was deep sea diving for sea turtles!" He smiled at me, I just snorted before all out laughing with the rest of the people on the ship. 'What?"

"That's probably the stupidest thing I've heard in my life you old coot."I leaned back against Legolas wiping tears off my eyes. "That was great, but no, what did you really want?" He looked flabbergasted.

'That was it." We were all set into peals of laughter again.

'Well my good sir, is the pink helping to attract said beasties?" Jack asked laughing, my grandpa just glared at him. I would hate to be under one of those glares; they were worse than Gandalf's.

"Does it look like it worked?" Jack gulped and shook his head. "Then there's your answer. Now, actually I did come to find you Esme." I blanched and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Why?"

"For you ears only. I'll say it in elven." I just looked at him and pointed to the abnormally tall, abnormally handsome, blond haired, pointy eared, male specimen beside me with his arm around my shoulders; no luck my grandfather was s dumb as a rock.

"WAIT! THE CHEST WHERE IS IT?!" We turned to find Will looking around the boat in a frenzy I just raised my eyebrow at him.

"Norrington took it." Elizabeth frowned for a minute before fussing over Will.

"You're pulling too ha-"

"OH PUT A SOCK IN IT PINTO!" I shoved him flying away from the rope of the sail and started doing it myself

"_Caellle liaka nakorma?"_ (Has your piece been ringing?) My grandpa asked pushing me away from the sail.

"Aye, I think it's broken personally, I was thinking of getting a new one, it's been ringing since I first got it." I stated shaking the tooth that was still ringing, I shrugged before walking back over to the sail. "Who cares."

"It's important that you lis-"

"My prayers be with him. Best not wallow in our grief. The bright side is: You're back. And made it off free and clear." Gibbs said smiling until I tapped his shoulder and pointed to the nasty ship next to us.

'Do explain your 'free and clear' for us dear." He sputtered and huffed like a fish for a few minutes, I merely shook my head at him.

"Lord almighty. Deliver us " Just then Jack walked by smirking at his jar of dirt, I just shared a look with Legolas before beginning to tiptoe to the other end of the deck to ditch them when the time came.

"I'll handle this, mate."

"What's going on?" I nearly jumped over the side when my grandfather came up and whispered gruffly in my ear.

'Please don't do that, you know how I am about that." He just nodded before looking back to Jack who was busy waving around his dirt and smirking at Jones.

"Hey! Fishface! Lose something? Hey? Opp!" I started snickering when I saw how close he had come to the edge, and then kept going. There was a collective hiss of pain until he started waving the dirt around with out even standing. "Got It."

"Come to negotiate, eh, have you, you slimy git? Look what I got. " Then the worst came he started singing turning in circles with the jar still above his head, it was really hurting my brain, "I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it? "

"ENOUGH!" I turned to glare at Jones who was glaring at me for the same reason; then he pulled out his cannons. "Hard to starboard."

"Hard to starboard." Jack whispered moving back from the side slowly.

"HARD TO STARBOARD!" Elizabeth shouted, I wanted to punch her head in.

"Brace the foreyard!" Will shouted running to the mast, I just sighed and looked at Legolas, this was bound to be interesting when Jack found out he doesn't have the heart anymore.

"Fire all?!" I jumped to the left as a little midget came running by, where do they come from, holes? I heard Legolas snort at me so I just glared at him.

"Er...that's not gonna be good." Gibbs turned to follow my finger, his mouth opening. The Dutchman had pulled out their triple guns and were preparing to fire. "Not good at all."

"Why don't they just use arrows?" I jumped before braining my grandfather for sneaking up on me.

"That would be dumb, first they're not half as destructive, second, they would never reach, old man." I shook my head before following Gibbs to where Will was staring flabbergasted.

"Right...well..this is where I take my leave thank you." And with that the slippery old man just jumped over board and started swimming faster than anything I'd ever seen.

"Holy shit." I muttered shaking my head, Legolas just laughed at me.

"We're the faster?" I laughed and he just glared at me.

"Yeah right...please."

"Against the wind the _Dutchman_ beats us. That's how she takes her prey. But with the wind..."

"We take her advantage."

"We are so dead." They both turned with their eyebrows raised. "Do you honestly think he's just gonna let us get away, please...that's not the Jones I know." I swiveled my finger in their faces before walking off shaking my head.

"They're giving up! Yay!" The same midget from earlier yelled, I just looked at him funny till he ran away.

"Not yay."

"My father is on that ship. If we can outrun her, we can take her. We should turn and fight"

"Oh ERU, here we go again with that 'I've only just met my father who gave his life for the sea instead of me but I want to save him!!'" I started fake crying until I noticed Will looming over me.

"Yes, that's about right." I stuck my tongue out at him before running behind Legolas who was laughing.

'Real funny you ass."

"Why fight when you can negotiate? All one needs... is the proper leverage." Then the unthinkable happened, his jar of dirt when flying out of his hands, and smashed against the deck spilling everywhere."Where is it? Where is the thump-thump? " I decided now was the time for my gloating, so naturally I decided to dance around him.

"I TOLD YOU SO! I TRIED TO TELL YOU SO! I WAS RIGHT YOU WERE WRONG! Nyahahahahah!!" I pointed at him, he just kept swirling the sand around.

"No, it's no reef. Get away from the rail!" Will ran around shouting orders before pulling Elizabeth away from the rail.

"What is it Will?" I came up behind him with my thumbs under my chin and my eight other fingers moving and making a sucking noise, he oh so inconspicuously elbowed me backwards.

"The Kraken. To arms!"I just sat holding my face felling the sailors run around me.

"You sure know how to make a nuisance of yourself for being a captain." I jumped again when my grandfather say down beside me.

'Yes well, my crew is a crew of elves, this is a crew of men...strange strange men. See the difference?" He just nodded before shaking his head at my antics.

"All the same..."

"I don't actually do anything when-"

"ESME! GET UP AND HELP!!" I look up to find Will glaring down at me.

''Scuse me? No you didn't!" I snapped my fingers and snaked my neck before cracking my knuckles and walking over to him.

"Help. If you want to live. It'll attack the starboard. I've seen it before. ?Break out the cannons and hold for my signal" I started mocking him until he turned around I acted surprised that he had looked at me.

'What?" He sighed and shook his head. Then there was this obnoxious noise as if someone had burped, or was extremely hungry. 'Will, did you eat anything today?" He glared.

"Easy boys." Awww...what the captain.

"Will." Elizabeth moaned as the tentacles kept rising upwards, Will just shook his head.

"Steady steady!" The tentacles were still rising, made me think of my wonderful trip with that beastie in the mines.

"Remember-"

"The mines, yes...was just tinking that Legolas." He smirked before pulling out his bow.'I wonder what wonder boy would do if you shot that now?"

"Why don't I just-"

"Don't you dare Legolas, Will has this under control." I turned to find a seething Elizabeth, I just shrugged at her and hit Legolas' taunt bow; luckily, I suppose, Will had shouted for them to fire, meaning, Legolas' arrow never made if past the railing.

"Damn."

'What a shame."

"It'll be back. We have to get off the ship" Will shouted running past us to look over the railing.

"In what, your knickers?" He just glared at me.

"There are no boats Will." Elizabeth said pulling his attention to the mess of what had been out life boats.

"Pull the grates! Get all the gunpowder onto the net in the cargo hold." He jumped over to Gibbs who looked utterly confused, just like the rest of us ol'boy. Will grabbed a gun and threw it to Elizabeth who just looked even more confused. "Elizabeth, don't miss."

"No pressure of anything." He glared at me; she just pulled his face back to her missing th tongue I had stuck out.

"As soon as you're clear."

"I'll do it." He narrowed his eyes.

'Why do you think I didn't ask you? You'd break the gun, get frustrated, and throw the gun right at the things blowing everyone up."

'Oh, but all of a sudden Elizabeth can stop the explosions? I see, what a wonderful power you possess my darling." She just shook her head at me.

"There's only half a dozen kegs of powder!" Gibbs came running to Will like he was captain, which he wasn't.

"What about the rum?" I Asked looking at my fingers, Gibbs looked shocked.

"You a pirate, suggest the rum?"

"I only like Morgan's and you don't have it, so throw it."

"Yes the rum, load the rum!" Will shouted, there was a pause in everything.

"Aye, the rum too." He sent me a surly look before running back to the crew; not like Will wouldn't have said it anyways.

"Oh you coward 'I turned to find Elizabeth shaking her head and glaring at something in the distance. A boat actually with a loan pirate; I glared and ran over next to her.

'YOU BETTER GET BACK HERE! IF YOU DON'T I"LL HAUNT YOU IN MY AFTER LIFE AND YOU'LL WISH YOU HAD STAYED!" The rowing stopped, I smirked, then if got faster. "Oh I'll get him one day." The force of the next hit sent me over, I just wrapped my hand on the rail in time, Legolas came running over calling my name; guess he couldn't see my hands then? Just then I felt a sickening sensation as one of the tentacles ran along my face, I took a deep breathe before shrieking.

'ESME!" Legolas looked down over the railing to see me jumping on the back of the tentacle pulling a dagger out. I smiled at him as I rode the thing up past him and next to the mast, at that time I stuck my dagger into the back skin and let it cut all the way until I was on the deck..only problem, I was covered in nasty sticky stuff, and it's blood; Legolas came running over and pulled me into a hug kissing me, ignoring the fact how dirty and pissed off I looked. "_Lle quel?"_ I shrugged him off nodding, smiling all the while.

"Shooooottt, that was hella fun, let's go again!"He just shook his head before scrunching his nose up. "Oh, now you notice, when you've already hugged me." He grimaced and looked down before glaring at me.

'Why did you not stop me?" I just looked at him..

"You seriously think I had time to tell you, plus, I love making you dirty with my hugs." I smirked at his confused look before lunging at him, he ran off and I proceed to chase him until I feel in the cargo hole right as they were pulling it up.

'Get down, what are you doing?" Will snarled, I smiled before jumping off and landing in heap holding my head; he was still staying up there, I thought he wasn't even supposed to be on it anymore.

"Sorry mate!" I yelled waving at his glaring face before laughing; I heard Elizabeth scream and saw her being pulled away, the gun lying feet in front of her, I tried crawling/running my way over to her but some other guy got it, got taken by the Kraken and threw it. Now why the hell couldn't he have just dropped it straight down? Elizabeth scrambled up the stairs only to have Jack step on the gun keeping her room taking it.

He smiled down at her before grabbing it and shooting at the struggling Will. The man falls to the ground right as all the gun powder exploded sending chunks of burnt fishy flesh all over the place, the tentacle retreated back over the sides. I got up to walk to Jack but slipped on a chunk; Legolas stood over me smirking, so I grabbed a piece and lobbed it at his head.

"Calamari, anyone?" They just rolled their eyes.

"Abandon ship. Into the longboat." Gibbs dropped his chin staring astonished at Jack.

"Jack! The Pearl!" Jack just shrugged.

"She's only a ship, mate."

"Says the man who sailed across the Caribbean to get it back...right...only a ship." He sent me a furrowed glare before turning to help load people on the longboat.

"We have to try. We can get away as it takes down the _Pearl_." Jack tensed but shook his head and started to walk around the ship petting it and telling it good bye. I shared a snort with Legolas before rolling my eyes and wrapping my arm around his waist.

'Well, that was fun, eh?"

"Aye." he smiled before kissing my temple and jumping onto the boat, I followed after and only stopped when I saw Will falter on the step; I took a look over his head to find his fiancé lip locking with Jack.

"YOU TWO TIMING WH-" Will slammed a hand over my mouth knocking us both into the boat.

"Not. Another. Word." He growled, I nodded honestly scared of the look he was giving me; he jerked his hand off my face and sat across the boat from me. At that time Elizabeth had decided to grace us with her two timing presence; I glared darkly at her, she just sent me a confused look, I was going to explain until I caught Will's murderous eye, I bowed him forward, still glaring at the girl sitting in front of me. I hope her hair catches fire.

"Where's Jack? " Ow, I could feel the bite in that one, she flinched and turned to look at the fuming Will.

"He elected to stay behind to give us a chance." She grabbed her arm and turned away from us.

"ACHNBULLSHITOOOOO!" I sneezed rubbing my nose and shaking my head. "Bless me." Legolas just roll his eyes at me and snorted.

"Not obvious at all."

'I don't know what you're talking about dear man."

"GO!" Elizabeth shouted, I made to stand and brain her but Legolas pulled onto his lap and didn't relinquish his hold on my waist. Bitch.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Thunk. Thunk. Th-I grabbed Will's sword seething, he'd been doing that to the poor table in front of him for Eru knows how long; that poor table looked like swiss cheese; I smiled reassuringly at him, he just determinedly looked away from my eyes; I placed an arm on his shoulder and squeezed it before turning to glare at the blond girl in the corner glaring at her hand sending furtive looks at Will every now and then. I heard Tia walk in and she was carrying a tray of mugs offering them to Elizabeth who shook her head, still not looking at anyone.

"Against de cold... and de sorrow. " She took a mug and made a face, I felt like lobbing the jar of eyeballs at her...but I don't think that would really fit the mood and all; Tia continued to make her rounds, I grabbed one and 'accidentally' spilled it, she just ignored me. "It's a shame. I know you're t'inking that wid the _Pearl_, you coulda captured the devil and set free your fadder's soul. "It's a shame. I know you're t'inking that wid the _Pearl_, you coulda captured the devil and set free your fadder's soul." And there goes the bad grammar again; I grimaced until I caught sight of Legolas' furrowed eyebrows, I almost laughed, he slapped his hand on my face shaking his head.

"Doesn't matter though, the ships gone, along with a FINE captain." I snapped glaring at Elizabeth, she just flinched but still didn't look up.

"Aye. And already the world seems a bit less bright. He fooled us all right to the end. But I guess that honest streak finally won out. To Jack Sparrow!" We all raised our mugs, except for Elizabeth I cocked my empty one back and prepared to launch it at her head, but Will wrestled it out of my grip.

"Never another like Captain Jack."

"He was a gentleman of fortune, he was. "

"He was a good man." Elizabeth whispered.

'You would know, eh?" She sent me a look, I just glared back at her.

"If there was anything could be done to bring him back...Elizabeth..." I felt Legolas' hand fall off my shoulder in shock; I jumped up knocking his mug out of his hand when Tia's head flew up beside my arm.

"Would you do it? Hmmm? What... would you? Hmmm? What would any of you be willing to do? Hmmm? Would you sail to the ends of the eart', and beyond, to fetch back witty Jack and 'im precious _Pearl_?"

"Ok, as much as I appreciate you trying to raise moral and get us all pumped, but that was just beyond lame...'can you please learn more complex rhymes before you try to sound all clever? Please." Legolas smacked his hand over my mouth and smiled a big bright, fake smile; Tia Dolma decided to ignore me actually.

"Aye." Gibbs, Pinto, Ravioli, and Elizabeth nodded; Will just whispered sending Elizabeth a pleading look she didn't catch.

"Alright. But if you're goin' brave de weird, and haunted shores, at world's end, den... you will need a captain who knows dose waters." I stood up knocking my stool over when I saw a familiar pair of boots come clomping down the stairs; soon enough the same scraggly beard followed by the same ugly wart came down the stairs.

"So tell me, what's become of my ship? " He took a bite of an apple smirking, the juice shooting out every direction.

"Ewwwwww...you are so gross." I made fake gagging noises until I felt spit and juice running down the side of my face. I looked down at the object that had come in contact with my head, it was a green apple missing a huge bite sized chunk. Barbossa had just thrown his nasty, slobbery, juicy apple at my head. Disgusting.

**Author's Note:** What's this, two updates in three days, no way! Hope you liked it! Let me know!


	6. Chapter 6

The Dead Man's What?

**Author Note: **Oh gosh, what do I say. Theres nothing to say. I've been a terrible author and feel like crap for not updating in so long. I have no excuses, and I'm not gonna make any. I just hope my loyal readers will forgive me for the sake of this entertaining tidbit I call a story. With that said, here, is the newest installment.

**Reviews**:

**Lady Lea:** Gracias! And I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, I feel terrible. I feel, like the scum of the earth.

**queenofspades19: **DUN DUN DUNNNN!! Never would've guess huh?

**LM1991:** Well, I blew that one huh? Gosh, I'll never be able to apologize enough. I'm sorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!!

**Valinor'sTwilight:** Well thank you very much!

**Mariano's-twins: **It was extremely fitting, and I believe that if I am ever in need of a theme song, to you I shall come! Yup, continuation, obviously, in the same story so here it is! Oh yes, the bane of my existence that curse is. For your sake, invest in lots of chocolate to give her to get on her better side, trust me it works. Or maybe that's just for meeee...? Again thank you, and I apologize for the late late LATE update.

**Readerfreak10: ** I always did think he was a nasty man, and then that part proved it.

**LOTRHPPOTC4EVA: **Ahah, thank you! I'm sorry I've kept you waiting!

Chapter Six: Stole her from her bed? That's a little risque don't you think?

"Elizabeth dear, do stop singing, you're terrible and making my head hurt." I huffed and flopped my head back into my hand, Elizabeth shot me a contemptuous glare before continuing her terrible rendition of a true pirates song. Where she learned the words I'll never know, I never taught her.

"The bell has been raised from it's watery grave Do you hear it's sepulchral tone? We are a call to all, pay head the squall " we floated under a bridge where our chasers were so conveniently crossing, and still she sang, I sighed once again before boxing her ears; we got in a little scuffle. Of course I won, I ended up sitting on her smirking, until I realized we;d come to a stop. Hell if I was gonna row. "Why are you trying to get me to stop singing so badly?" She snarled when we returned to our previous positions, I in the farthest corner from her, she at the helm rowing. As we reached the other side of the bridge, there were a couple of twangs and thumps followed by splashes, Elizabeth turned her head but saw nothing, I just smirked. Legolas was quite the sniper.

"Because you're terrible, and any sane person would make yous top. Plus, is this really-"

"Thief and beggar, never say we die! A dangerous song to be singing, for anyone ignorant of its meaning. Particularly a woman. Particularly two woman. " A gruff man grabbed and grabbed Elizabeth pulling her from the boat, another reached for me, I glared so hard at it's fingers I swear I saw them shrivel a little.

"I can do that myself thank you. Oh yeah, and Lizzie dear, I TOLD YOU SO!" I smirked at her, she glared and snorted. Our newest friends just looked between the two of us.

"What makes you think they're alone?" Barbossa asked quickly stepping out of the shadows and glaring down at the man holding Elizabeth's arm.

'And you protect them?" said captor sent a weird glare/smirk/snarl face towards Barbossa, I took a step back, that thing has some issues to sort out.

" I really doubt you could take me on. Her maybe, me no. I'd kick you're ass." Barbossa just rolled his eyes. I got into a karate stance, before remembering I was wearing a dress, and I just gave them wonderful view, eww...nasty pervs. Elizabeth flashed out a knife at his throat, the man just smirked.

"Both of you, SHUT UP! You're causing more damage than you're worth." Barbossa snarled, Elizabeth dropped her weapon, I took a step behind Barbossa, the scary men were leering at me and it was creeping me outtt. "Your master's expecting us and an unexpected death'd cast a slight poll on our meeting." The man grunted and turned before walking on, I mocked him before Barbossa slapped me in the back of the head to get me to move forward.

"no need to be so rough old Man, I know how to walk!" I grabbed my head and teetered on after the other men, trying to trip Elizabeth the whole way, I succeeded a few times mind you, until Barbossa hit me again. I turned my head back to the channel, and I swear I saw six coconuts; those six where as bout as smart as they come. I jest you know, seriously, I was kidding.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0oo00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Have you heard anything from Will?" Elizabeth whispered, or so she thought. She really has no volume control, oops, said that out loud. "Oh, and you do I suppose?" I smiled and nodded before turning to Barbossa.

"Legolas as well, seeing as you forced him to go with him, stupid idea, he already dislikes him. Imagine if he did something stupid, he'd probably kill him." I smirked at the glare Elizabeth was sending me. "Aw, poppet, you know it's true."

"I trust young Turner, and Legolas, to acquire the charts and you to remember your place in the presence of Captain Sao Feng. Especially you, Esme, as I remember he was already not too fond when I mentioned your name."

'Hey hey, it's not my fault he lumps me into the same category as Jack, and it's not my fault he never got paid. So there."

'Oh God, you have a history with him then?" I rolled my eyes at Elizabeth; she really was stupid.

'Of course, every pirate has history with every other pirate, it's how it works. Duh. Don't you know anything?" She gave me a weird look and I finally caught on to what she meant. "EW. NO! EW ERU NO! THAT'S ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING THAT YOU WOULD EVEN INSINUATE THAT!" I slapped me hand over my mouth and tried to calm my stomach, she smirked in triumph. Oh, she's a dirty player that one.

"Is he that terrifying, this Sao Feng?" I continued to retch in the background, to think she would even say that!

"He's much like myself but absent my merciful nature and sense of fair play."

"You have those?" I piped up, looking over his shoulder, he glared at me and walked forward. "No really, I'm curious now."

"Oh shut up!"

"Hoi" I fake saluted the door man as we walked him, he smirked at me, I think I'm going to throw up again.

"Weapons!" I smirked at Barbossa and the man and made to lean against the wall, the man looked at Elizabeth and I and smirked. "Did you think because they are women we would not suspect them of treachery? Remove, please." Ok mouth, close before you get in trouble.

"Well, when you put it that way.." Barbossa grumbled, I smacked him in the back of the head.

"Some help you are old man" I started by pulling out my daggers, and then my quiver and bow. Then came my grenades, mind you the whole time I felt like I was getting eye raped, next stop I'm investing in a rape whistle. Then came my sword, I thrust it at the man next to me and glared. 'It there is one scratch, ONE! I'll slit your throat on it, savvvy?" The man gulped and nodded, I smiled and patted him on the head. "Good boy."

"How the hell did you fit all of that in that one dress?" Barbossa asked, his mouth open; I smirked.

"Oh the wonders of curves and corsets. Aside from the fact you can't breathe that is...." Meanwhile Elizabeth had removed her jacket and started throwing out weapons left and right. The men were leering at her incredibly short dress, and I felt like groaning, why the hell would she wear that? It's not like Will really had time to shag her here now was it? As soon as she finished, she glared at the leader, he smirked before giving her this really strange grin.

'Remove, please." I brained him before walking on top of him, making sure to step right in the prized spot. Elizabeth just stared at him.

"Fucking perverts." I grumbled stalking through the rest of them, they easily stepped out of my way.

"That was a little unnecessary Esme." Barbossa grumbled sneaking a peak at the man unconscious on the floor, I grunted before balling my fists.

'I should think not. I should have cut something off while I was at it, then what would he do?" Barbossa cringed and stepped back.

"Captain Barbossa, Captain Esmeralda, welcome to Singapore. More steam." Barbossa bows before realizing neither Elizabeth or I had; he grabbed my hair and pulled, I graciously fell forward begging him to let go. He finally let go when I stepped on his foot, he grunted and quickly released my hair replacing it with his foot; victorious! "I understand that you have a request to make of me."

"More of a proposal to put to ye. I've a venture underway and I find myself in need of a ship and a crew. " Barbossa sent a glare at me, I ignored it and smiled sweetly at Sao Feng who had placed his attentions on me; he still didn't stop staring.

"Can I help you?" The room gasped, I just rolled my eyes.

"Hmmmmmmm." He finally removed his eyes off of me and took to scratching his head, what a monkey. 'It is an odd coincidence-"

'Because you happen to have a ship and a crew you don't need?" Elizabeth quipped, I slapped my hand over her mouth and glared.

"Don't interrupt, rude." She just rolled her eyes before I turned my attention back to the weird man in front of us.

"No. Because earlier this day not far from here a thief broke into my most revered uncle's temple and tried to make off with these. " He grabbed the charts I had been eying and waved them around, Elizabeth gasped his eyes turned to her, so I made it look like I had stepped on her foot.

"Oh, excuse me, I didn't see your mammoth feet there." She glared at me.

"The navigational charts, the route to the farthest gate. Wouldn't it be amazing if this venture of yours took you to the world beyond this one? " I quickly shook my head.

"That's insane!" I flicked my wrist at Sao Feng like he was crazy. "What ever gives you that idea?!"

"That would strain credulity at that." Barbossa answered smiling nervously. Sao Feng, raised his shoulders before nodding at two men against the wall next to a big tub. Ewww, the water was brown.

"This is the thief, is his face familiar to you?" I blanched, our lovely friend Will Turner was tied an gagged hanging from the pole. We quickly shook our heads. Go figure that stupid boy would get caught. I told Barbossa we should have let Legolas get the charts and Will clear the water ways. Never listens to me that one. "Then I guess he has no further need for it. " He shrugged before Elizabeth stepped forward.

"NO!" She shouted, I quickly tripped her and smiled.

'Silly girl, I believe she honestly has tourettes. You'll have to excuse her and her non forgiving mouth. She has no self control." They just started at me with their eyebrows raised, wankers.

"You come into my city and you betray my hospitality " I could've kicked Elizabeth for blowing our cover.

"You're so dumb. " She just glared at me.

"Sao Feng, I assure you, I had no idea… "

"That he would get caught! You intend to attempt a voyage to Davy Jones Locker, but I cannot help but wonder, why? " He shouted, I smirked. So maybe this guys does have a brain, Barbossa was speechless.

'Feng-1, Barbossa-0 as we enter the final stretch!" Barbossa glared at me, till I stopped turning my head quickly between the two of them, Will was glaring at me. It wasn't quite as intimidating considering he had a rather nasty rag in his mouth obscuring the expression, he just ended up looking deranged. Barbossa lobbed a coin at the Captains head, he listened and glared; I grabbed my tooth and put it to my ear, same ringing as usual. I'm telling you, it's broken, I need to get a new one.

"The song has been sung, the time is upon us, we must convene the Brethren court. As one of the nine pirate lords you must honor the call." Sao Feng started groping his nasty little rat tail, beard I mean, and started walking in circles.

"More steam." None came, if those guys fuck-" MORE STEAM!!!" More came billowing out, good job finally. "There is a price on all our heads. It is true, it seems the only way a pirate can turn profit anymore is by betraying other pirates. " He continued to stroke his beard, his crew members grabbed weapons, oh this was looking great.

"The first Brethren court gave us rule of the seas, now that rule is being challenged by Lord Cutler Beckett. " Barbossa snarled stepping forward, Sao Feng just smirked; then I caught sight of platinum blond behind one of his little sliding doors. I knew he was a rather intelligent elf, but why there?

" Against the East India Trading Company what value is the Brethren court? What can any of us do?" Sao Feng took on a look of contemplation only to have it replaced with a glare as Elizabeth started yelling.

"You can fight! " One of his men stepped forward and grabbed her, I slapped my head into my palm. "Get off me! You are Sao Feng the pirate lord of Singapore. "

"And you my dear, are a stupid woman who should have shut her mouth A LONG DAMN TIME AGO!!!" I shouted steeping forward, she glared at me, I just glared at her. 'Really, do you have a brain? You don't even know how to fight? So how are you to encourage a pirate lord how to fight, if the mere presence of two doesn't sway him?" She just glared before ignoring me completely, I sighed and shook my head, she was gonna die.

"Would you have that era come to an end on your watch? The most notorious pirates from around the world are uniting against our enemy and yet you sit here cowering in your bath water! " Sao got a rather lecherous gleam in his eyes before turning to face her again.

"Elizabeth Swann, there is more to you than meets the eye isn't there? And the eye does not go wanting. But I cannot help but notice, you have failed to answer my question. What is it you seek in Davy Jones Locker?" I felt my stomach heave before I caught the look Will had on his face, it was enough send me into peals of laughter, Feng's attention quickly diverted to me. "And you, Esmeralda!" I turned back raising my finger to be accounted for. "You ask for the same thing, why? What are your reasons, and Ear'Quessir lord's reason for wanting the same as a mere human?"

"Ah, you see, I don't really want the same thing they do, I just want to-" Barbossa slapped a hand over my mouth and stepped forward, I would've bit him but, you know how dirty that man can be.

"Jack Sparrow." We all turned our heads to Will, Barbossa's eyes looked ready to pop out of his head. "He's one of the pirate lords. " Wrong thing to say.

"Ouch, wrong idea." I grumbled, sucking air through my teeth.

"The only reason I would want Jack Sparrow returned from the land of the dead is so I could send him back myself! " Sao Feng snarled glaring over at Will, I had the urge to laugh but decided, I ought to let the dramatic tension play out. Seeing all these fat men sitting in tubs really makes me want a bath, I mean it has been AGESSSS....wow, um...back on topic if you please....

"Jack Sparrow holds one of the ten pieces of eight, he failed to pass it along to a successor before he died so we must go and get him back. " I took to looking through the crack in the wall to where Legolas was obviously hiding, only to find him brushing his hair. I fell over causing all attention to be diverted to me.

'Oh um, sorryy, just a wee bit tired is all." I put a hand behind my head and grinned, they all collectively rolled their eyes at me; then I noticed some kids ink running. "Dude, pirate's tattoos are supposed to be real, you really need to get your money back from whoever did it, cause that ones running." All eyes turned to me and the kid I was pointing at, he gulped. "Oh, was that, not ,supposed to be known, then?"

"So, you admit you have deceived me. Weapons! " Men started jumping out of barrels, which really reminds me of that game where you have all those monkeys in a barrel and you can make some really long chains out of it, oops think I said that a little loud, they were all staring at me.

"Sao Feng I assure you our intentions are strictly honorable " At that moment the rest of the crew threw up weapons from under us, I got stuck with a hammer. Really you guys, a hammer? The other two just smirked at me, I waved the hammer around menacingly, they turned back to Sao Feng.

"Drop your weapons or I kill the man!"

"I think we established he wasn't with us all ready, remember I was making fun of his tattoo? Really, that was only five minutes ago you know!" I sighed placing my hand on my hip.

"Kill him, he's not our man. "

"If he's not with you, and he's not with us... who's he with?" At that moment I heard what sounded like a grunt and a really constipated cat as the walls pushed in on top of us. First thing I saw, Legolas running around stabbing and shooting at the East India Trading company men. Go figure, I laughed and pumped my arm in the air before running over to join him.

"Will!" Elizabeth threw him a sword, who she thought he would catch it I don't know. I ran by and slit the ends of his bonds with the sharper end of my hammer before slamming if onto some man's promiscuous hand.

"I WILL **NOT** ALLOW THAT!" I shouted before chasing after the man, Legolas just groaned before chasing after me. I ran past Mercer right as he was about to shoot Elizabeth and I knocked his arm, 'Scuse me pardon me, trying to catch a lech! HEY THAT RHYMED!" The bullet that had originally been for Elizabeth had hit one of Sao Feng's personal lady friends, ewww. Mercer glared at me before chasing after an escaping Sao Feng; I started to follow him only to be stopped by Legolas, 'Wha-" Oh, well that was one way to shut me, I closed my eyes and continued to kiss him until I felt some one pulling on my arm; I turned to find Elizabeth glaring at me.

"Would you really say this was the time?" She snarled; I smirked placing my hammer on my shoulder keeping my other hand on Legolas' collar. A fat man came running to us, I reeled my hammer hand back before sending a rather painful blow to where his stomach should have been, he fell clutching his folds; I grimaced before stepping back from the rotund man and placing my hand back on Legolas' collar.

'Don't get bitter with me because Will won't kiss you anymore. You're just jealous." with that, I grabbed Legolas' arm before running after Will brandishing my hammer menacingly. "Really though, that was a bit strange to kiss me right then." He smirked at me, what a queer.

"Would you rather I hadn't then? Because I thought it was a perfect time. You know how it is, damsel in distress, knight in shinning armor saves her, they kiss." I rolled my eyes before smacking his shoulder.

'Too bad I didn't' get saved by you, and I most definitely was not in distress" he smirked before slamming on the brakes forcing me to trip over him and fall into Tia Dolmas cart. "WHAT THE HELL KINDA PLACE IS THIS FOR A BIRD STRAND YOU FREAK!" I shouted hastily brushing my hair out of my face and gathering my skirt and hammer in my hands preparing to run, she only smirked at me. Evil bitch. "Hmphf." I stalked off with a laughing Legolas. 'That was your fault you know."

"I take no responsibility for your lack of coordination." I shoved him and effectively forced him to knock over a box showing the other of the women in the room with Sao Feng. 'That is truly disgusting. 'Legolas stood knocking off his tunic before shaking his head and walking past me; I couldn't help but start laughing.

"Your-hahah-face-ahahaha-was-fahaha-FANTASTIC!" I took a deep breathe before slapping Legolas' shoulder, Barbossa just raised his eyebrow in our direction, Legolas continued to glare out over my head.

'Are you quite finished?" he snarled crossing his arm.

"Oh man, I'm sorry you look hysterical."He continued to glare, so I wrapped my arms around his waist and kiss his cheek, "but it was really quite adorable." He just shook his head before looking over to Barbossa, who still had his eyebrows raised.

'I'm not quite certain I wish to know what went on." At that time Will and Elizabeth showed up breathing heavily, I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively, Elizabeth scoffed at me." You have the charts?"

"And better yet, a ship and a crew."

"Woooohoooo! Go Will!" I waved around a make shift flag smiling like a dork, Elizabeth and Will glared at me in return.

"Where's Sao Feng? And Esme ,that means Will did something Legolas did not." Legolas just smirked.

"Let me ask you a question dear, how do you think we made it that far into the city without being noticed by the East India Trading company? Surely not your little Will. Did you think Legolas was sent after the charts as well? Oh you did didn't you? Ahah, silly child. He was out clearing our path. So I believe that still leaves the score, um, 864856135165 Legolas, 1 Will. Beat that!" I smirked at her glare, Will just rolled eyes.

"He'll cover our escape and meet us at Shipwreck Cove."

"Let's go then shall we!" Barbossa started shoving us to the boat.

"WAITTT!! WHERE"S MY SWORD!?!?!?" Cue sweat drops.

**Author's note:** Keep your eyes out for a rather quick update. I SWEAR! Reviews are my drug, in fact, I've been having withdrawals.


	7. Chapter 7

The Dead Man's What?

**Author's Note:** So, I think I'm going to try to suck up a little by giving you a rather quick update. What say you?

**Reviews:**

**19:** Well thank you, I'm glad you like!

**queenofspades19:** I love those two together, not just saying that because I wrote it that way. But I'm glad you think they're good together!

**Valinor's Twilight:** Thank you thank you!

**Chapter 7**: Now you feel like number one, Shining bright for everyone.

"You know what I've always wondered, if it's called 'Pieces of Eight', why do ten lords have them?" I grumbled leaning on Legolas, no one was being very entertaining seeing as they were all freezing. Oh the wonders of being an elf. "but seriously, Barbossa, couldn't we just off one more Captain, seeing as Jack's already kicked the bucket, kill Sao Feng and problem solved?" Will, Elizabeth and Barbossa sent me a glare that I swear melted the glacier behind us. "Ok then, stupid question." I snuggled closer to Legolas trying to protect myself from the glares still coming my way; he just wrapped his arm around me chuckling, a fat lot of help he is.

"No one said anything about cold." I turned to Pinto who was shivering and patting his shoulders, I would offer him my cloak, but then I wouldn't want it back, which I do. It's Legolas', and we all know that smells good.

"Are you sniff-" I slapped a hand on the smirking blond's mouth before glaring at him.

"I was considering being nice, but then I'd have to give up your cloak to them, do you still want me to?" His eyes got big and he quickly shook his head.

"Why don't that obe woman just bring Jack back the same way she brought back Barbossa?" That's actually a very good question Pinto, not that I would ever tell him that.

"Because Barbossa was only dead. Jack Sparrow is taken, body and soul, to a place not of death but punishment. The worst fate a person can bring upon himself stretching on forever, that's what awaits at Davy Jones Locker." Tia Dolma glared at Pinto, Ravioli grinned and nodded his head; Legolas let out an exasperated sigh.

"There, I knew there was a good reason!" replied ravioli grinning at us, I just shook my head, Legolas slapped his head into his palm and sighed again.

"I should have never said I would come with you, every leg of the journey, I feel more and more brain cells depart." I started laughing, causing everyone to glare in our direction.

'Well excuse me for trying to brighten the mood, go on, back to depression you dreary humans!"They just turned and ignored us, I caught sight of some man moving his toe around, until it broke off, Legolas' face was priceless, it was a mixture of horror, confusion, and amusement. You can imagine I'm sure. "Would you like something to tie that back on with?" I questioned the poor sailor just looked from the toe to me and shook his head. I just shrugged, as long as I didn't come in contact with that nasty little toe I'll be ok.

"Nothing here is set. These can't be as accurate as modern charts." I turned to the other end of the ship to find Will, Barbossa, and that weird guy we met when we first reached Korea standing over the charts groaning. I shed Legolas' warmth and walked over to the table.

"No, but it leads to more places." The man grunted acknowledging my presence, I smiled before shoving Will out of the way.

"You wouldn't know how to read these even if you weren't Will." He glared at me, "You're getting quite good at those actually, imagine how well it will work on your children." It got even more heated, I smiled and patted him on the head before turning back to Barbossa.

"Over the edge, over again. Sunrise sets, flash of green. Do you care to interpret, Captain Barbossa? " Will asked ignoring my jives at him, that's a little upsetting, I'm not gonna lie.

"wait I remember the green flash!! But it's always sounded like a terminal disease to me, you know like you walk up to some guy and go, 'You look like your suffering from a bout of the green flash!" Everyone just blinked in my direction before shaking their heads and deciding to ignore me.

"Ever gazed upon the green flash Master Gibbs?"

"I reckon I've seen my fair share. Happens on rare occasion, at the last glimpse of sunset a green flash shoots up into the sky. Some go their whole lives without ever seeing it, some claim to have seen it who ain't and some say…" I blanched before whirling on him, he just raised his eyebrow.

"Have you been here the whole time?" He nodded before turning back to Barbossa who released a rather large sigh.

"If you didn't have skills that could come in handy, I swear I would throw you overboard." I just smirked.

"Well, then you would have to throw Elizabeth as well, wouldn't you?" He nodded, Will glared at him.

"It's not true, Elizabeth is not weak!" Barbossa raised his eyebrow at him, Will continued to seethe.

'Might as well face the facts, at least I can fight, and make you laugh, she's more of just a nuisance!" I stepped back as he lunged for me effectively getting caught in the fish nets on the floor before face planting. "Now now Master Will, violence is hardly the answer!" I laughed at the glare he flashed before turning to Barbossa who was rolling his eyes.

"Trust me young Master Turner, it's not getting to the land of the dead that's the problem, it's getting back." At that moment we passed a rather large ship that had just taken a hit by the huge ice crevice in front of us, people were falling of the side and screaming while the ship slowly sank to the depths. I think we all preformed a collective sweat drop at that one.

"Right then, carry on." I shouted before scurrying back over to Legolas who just had his eyebrow raised.

'Why do I get the feeling that ship hardly fit into this story line." I just shrugged before laying my head down on his shoulder and watching Will rush over to Elizabeth.

"How long do we continue not to talk?" he looked like he wanted to cry, Elizabeth merely turned her head from him, and sighed. No good two timing, whore! I tried to rise but Legolas' kept me seated.

"_Feithe, onsen coiasira" _(Wait, give them time.) He whispered, pulling me back into his lap, all I really wanted to do was to slap her a few times, and then make them kiss. This sexual tension was causing a strain on my nerves.

"_Tyarsen miqulananta?"_ (Can they kiss already?). I snapped crossing my arms, Legolas just shook his head before placing a kiss on my neck.

"_N'uma, n'am' _." (No, not yet) I hate him sometimes.

"When we rescue Jack ?" Oh shit, missed something good. Elizabeth just hook her head and walked away, Will slammed his fist down on the rail and turned back out to sea. Ouch, that's a tough break.

"For what we want most there is a cost must be paid in the end." Tia Dolma walked to him playing with her locket, which is real creepy by the way, Will stares at her before widening his eyes and running towards the back.

"BARBOSSA! Ahead!" I turned to what he was pointing at and wanted to hit the captain of this vessel, which at the moment, isn't me. It looked like the world just stopped, the water kept falling. Oh this is really good.

"You idiot!" I shouted pointing at Barbossa, he merely smirked ,I- wanted to kick him. "You knew this was a dead end, yet you still let us sail this way? What the hell kind of captain are you!?!" He just shrugged his shoulders.

"Aye, we're good and lost now. " I groaned in frustration as Elizabeth stepped forward glaring.

"Lost?"

"For certain you have to be lost to find a place as can't be found, else ways everyone would know where t'was." Eh, what?

"In layman's terms, he means in order to find this place we have to lose our original surroundings, and become 'lost', or else everyone would find it." We all turned to Legolas who was leaning against the rail examining his finger nails, I rolled my eyes, go figure he'd understand. Barbossa smiled at him.

"We're gaining speed!" Gibbs screamed staring around, it's a good thing we have a first mate like him. Some things would remain obviously unsaid.

"Aye." I really don't like the gleam in Barbossa's eyes.

"To stations. All hands to stations! Run a full, hard to port, gather way. " Everyone made to move 'cept for me and Legolas, I just looked pointedly at Barbossa.

'Gonna let him run over you like that 'Captain'?"

"Nay, belay that! Let her run straight and true!" Ravioli gulped when he finally caught sight of the waterfall.

"You've doomed us all." Elizabeth whispered looking at Barbossa, I stepped forward clearing my throat, she quickly glanced at me.

"Correction. You doomed us when you-" Legolas slapped a hand over my mouth, smiled at the glaring girl, and carried me as far away from her as he could. "What did you do that for in the middle of telling her how stupid she was in the first place, and that all of this was his fault? What gives?" He just smirked. He pecked me on the temple.

"I'd rather not have to hear her screaming at you if you please." I shrugged, good enough.

"Don't be so unkind, you may not survive to pass this way again and these be the last friendly words you'll hear." Barbossa continued to stand in the middle of the ship smiling, Elizabeth just shook her head before turning to Will.

"Hold on!!!!" Shouted Will before wrapping himself around the rail, Legolas wrapped his arm around my waist before placing hand on the rail, I sigh and placed one on the rail as well. Then it hit me. No really, the toe from the man earlier, came out of nowhere, defying all laws of physics and smacked me in the head. I let out a bloodcurdling scream before everything went black.

O0o0o0oooo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o

"PATOOOOYYYY!!!" I spluttered trying to get all the wretched salt water out of mouth, Legolas stood beside trying to shake the water out of his ears; the other were still being washed ashore. I looked around, and groaned. "This has to be the most boring place I've ever seen." I grumbled taking my boot off to shake some water out, what do you know. A fish came surfing out with the tidal wave of water that came splashing out of my boot, Legolas snorted before trying to cover it with a cough.

"This truly is a God forsaken place." Gibbs muttered shaking his head, Elizabeth stepped forward and looked up and down the shore before frowning.

"I don't see Jack. I don't see anyone." I rolled my eyes and groaned, Will sent her a look she chose to ignore.

"He's here. Davy Jones never once gave up that what he took. " Barbossa stepped up smiling at us all, Will glowered at him.

"And does it matter? We're trapped here by your doing, no different of Jack. "

'Touche." I muttered causing both males to glare in my direction. "Hold you horses, I wasn't downing either of you, in fact Will, I was slightly supporting your cause, so no need to glare!"

"Witty Jack is closer than you tink." Tia Dolma gave her weird one sided smirk, and then I noticed a crab in her hand a scoffed.

"And I'm supposing the crustacean told you that?" She merely smirked at me, I rolled my eyes and dropped my arms to my side. 'First I'm stuck with a guide who uses his nose to find direction!"Legolas snickered remembering our trip through the mines," And now I have one who talk to crabs. What does that tell you about leadership this day in time!?!" Everyone just looked at me funny.

"Impossible!!" We all turned to see what the man was pointing to, the Black Pearl was slowing sliding down the dune in front of us. On top of crabs, mind you, thousands of crabs. No, the animal, not the other one.

"Boat.' Ravioli stuttered, I patted him on the back and smiled.

'Good job! Now how do you spell it?" he glared before walking away.

"Slap me thrice and hand me to me momma! It's Jack!" I stood up spitting sand out of my mouth ignoring Legolas' laughter before marching to Gibbs. 'What?"

'Where ever you get your little sayings or mantras, whatever you call them, STOP! They're freaking weird!" I shouted before marching back over to Legolas shaking my head, he continued to laugh at me until I shoved him into the sand. Ah. Oops. They've left me again, I sprinted after them, effectively slamming into Legolas when they stopped, go figure; he smirked down at me before offering a hand. "Wanker."

"Jack!" Gibbs shouted stepping forward, Jack looked startled and stared at him a good minuted before responding.

"Mr. Gibbs!"

"Aye!"

"I thought so. I expect you're able to account for your actions then. "

"Oh Eru, here we go. He's gone mental!" I sighed and slapped my forehead to my palm, Jack merely glanced in my direction before turning back to Gibbs.

"There's been a perpetual and virulent lack of discipline upon my vessel. Why? Why is that sir?"

"Because you're an idiot whose been stuck in the sun too long?" I questioned raising my hand, Jack just looked at me funny.

"Sir, you're... you're in Davy Jones Locker, cap'n." Gibbs gulped and took a hesitant step back.

"I know that. I know where I am. And don't think I don't!"! snapped Jack turning to walk away.

"Jack sparrow." Barbossa smiled at the flustered captain; he just looked even more put out.

"Ah, Hector! It's been too long, hasn't it? I guffawed causing Barbossa to glare at me. "What ever is so funny?"

"Your names Hector?" I chortled before I caught sight of the ferocious glare he was sending me. 'Right, anyways. Continue."

"Aye. Isla de Muerta, remember? You shot me." Barbossa replied trying to turn the mood back into one of friendly tension.

'That didn't work." I felt Legolas slap his hand on my mouth and smile. He was so good at that.

"No I didn't. Tia Dolma! Out and about, eh? You add an agreeable sense of macabre to any delirium."

She looked affronted I laughed.

"He thinks we're a hallucination." Will scoffed glaring at Jack, Jack just turned to him.

"William, tell me something. Have you come because you need my help to save a certain distressing damsel, rather, damsel in distress? Either one."

"No?"

"Well then you wouldn't be here would you? So you can't be here. QED, you're not really here. Esmeralda, are you here to beat me up for stealing that blue necklace that you always wear one day while you were sleeping and selling it to get money for rum?" I reached my hand up to my neck where it normally lay, nothing was there. Damn I'm stupid.

"Ye-WAIT YOU DID WHAT?!" I snarled preparing to bounce on him, he jumped and hid behind Legolas who gulped when he saw my face. 'I"M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU KNOW GOOD STEALING CHEAT!" I can't believe I never realized that.

"Pirate!" he commented pointing at himself. I snarled before shoving Legolas out of the way and sprinting after the screaming captain; until Barbossa tripped me. I face planted with my legs dangling over my head, and glared up at him.

"I'll kill you too." He just smirked before turning back to the panting Jack.

"Jack. This is real, we're here." Jack glared at her, I smirked while trying to clear out the playground I had gathered in my mouth.

"The Locker, you say?" Jack asked still not taking his eyes off of Elizabeth. Gibbs nodded.

"We've come to rescue you!" I snorted, causing her to glare in my direction, Jack just looked at her like she had ten heads.

"Right, says the reason he's here." She threw a hand full of sand at me, I glared at her getting ready to shove some down her throat before Legolas caught me shaking his head.

"Have you now? That's very kind of you. But it would seem that as I possess a ship and you don't, you're the ones in need of rescuing, and I'm not sure as I'm in the mood."

"I see my ship right there." Barbossa quipped, rocking back and forth on his heels. Jack turned to follow his look, he squinted a few times before turning back shaking his head

"Can't spot it. Must be a tiny little thing hiding somewhere behind the Pearl " I laughed before remembering my urge to dismember said captain.

"Jack! Cutler Beckett has the heart of Davy Jones. He controls the Flying Dutchman" Will snarled at the prancing captain, said man didn't stop.

"He's taking over the seas! " Elizabeth whined; stifled by a glare.

"The song has already been sung, the Brethren Court is called." Tia Dolma whispered, looking at her hands.

"Leave you people alone for just a minute, look what happens, every thing's gone to pot!" I scoffed, stealing my lines.

"Aye, Jack, the world needs you back somethin' fierce." Gibbs mumbled.

"And you need a crew." Will smirked\

"Why should I sail with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past, one of you succeeded." Will shot a look at Elizabeth, she kept her eyes to the ground.

"Welcome one and all to the premiere of "All my Pirates!" staring, Elizabeth Swann, Jack Sparrow, and WILLLLLIIIAAAMM TURNER!" I shouted acting like I had a microphone, two glared, Jack just laughed.

"Oh, she's not told you. You'll have loads to talk about while you're here." I smirked at the shocked look Will sent Jack; he was too busy appraising Tia Dolma. "As for you..."

"Now, don't tell me you didn't enjoy it at the time. "

"Ewww, that was just too much information for me." I shuddered forcing Jack's attention on Legolas and I.

"Fair enough, all right, you're in. You, I don't need you beating me up." I glared.

'You owe me, or I'll kill you where you stand." He gulped before nodding.

'Right you're in, and I suppose your other half is no exception." He walked to stand in front of Ravioli "Don't need you, you scare me. Gibbs, you can come, Marty, Cotton. Cotton's parrot I'm a little iffy, but at least I'll have someone to talk to. " He stopped in front of the other grew that we stole from Sao Feng. "Who are you?"

"Tai Huang. These are my men. " Jack nodded.

"Where do yourallegiances lie? "

"With the highest bidder."

'I have a ship.' Jack smirked.

'That makes you the highest bidder." Jack smiled, and turned from the man.

"Weigh anchor, all hands, prepare to make sail." Jack shouted pulling his compass out, Barbossa walked up smirking.

"Jack... Which way you going, Jack?" Jack stopped to glare.

"Barbossa-1, Jack-0. Dun Dun D-THUMP." I will kill that man one day.

**Author's Note: **Eh, it's kinda short, but I'll try to update more often now!


	8. Chapter 8

The Dead Man's What?

**Author's Note: H**ey again, I know I'm late. As usual, and I'll again beg for apology! I'm sorry, but my muse is going in and out, and I only get strange urges to write every so often now, it's depressing actually. BUT! I did watch the movies this weekend, which helped me immensely. So in that light, here is the new chapter!

**Reviews:**

**queenofspades19: **Yeahhh, about that. The first time I watched the movies in theater, I leaned over to my friend and was like "Wouldn't it just be so cliché if the Titanic suddenly appeared?" Why that thought managed to appear in my mind, no one knows. But, I just had to include it!

**BloomFanatic95: **YEAHHH! May confusion, disorientation, and total chaos ensue!

**Valinor's Twilight: **Thank you for your wonderful review! I'm glad it could make you laugh/chortle/chuckle in at least small quantities!

**Lady Lea: **Thank you! I'm sorry it was so late! But hopefully I can make the chapter funny enough to make up for it!

**NightVixen19:** Yay! Que bubbly feeling. I'm certainly glad you enjoy them! All though, Legolas isn't mine so I can't take credit for him. Or any of the others in POTC. But we can both thank Tolkien! And the creator's of POTC... I'm sorry it's so late though!!

Chapter Eight: Topsy-Turvy.

"No, what ARRRRRR you doin?" Barbossa bristled at Jack who had taken it upon himself to follow after him copying everything he said.

"What are YOU doing? Captain gives orders on ship!" Jack replied crossing his arms.

"Hey, how about this one! WHAT** ARE YOU** BOTH DOING! IT'S IRRITATING AND IF YOU SAY IT ONE MORE TIM-OOMPHF"I felt myself being pulled away from the arguing 'captains' by a rather tense individual; as soon as he released me I whirled on him to give him a what for but the smile he gave me almost knocked me on my back. 'Legolas, you always do that." I scowled and crossed my arms, he just smiled even brighter, if it was possible.

"Yes well, as irritating as their squabbling is, I feel you're better off not getting involved, we all know you can scream louder than the two of them together. I do not think my ears would be able to stand." He gave a visible flinch, I mentally squealed before pulling him into a bear hug. "Air passage way, closing. Esme. Need. AIR!" I released him smiling before waking back over to the arguing captains. 'Esme.."

"Hey, you just said I couldn't scream, what about beating them both to a bloody pulp, and then throwing them over board like they weren't ever here?" He sighed before sitting back down and placing his head in his hands; I just smiled before skipping back over to Jack.

"Yeah, well, that makes you Chart man. Not captain."

"That was a good one Jack!"I gave him a thumbs up before performing a palm-forehead gesture. He really needed help when it came to his wit.

"Stow it, the both of you! That's an order! Understand!" Pinto, stood huffing and puffing; I shared a look with both Jack and Barbossa before turning back to him.

"I'm wondering, how much do you favor your life Pinto; giving your captain an order kind of counts as Mutiny. Maybe if you run fast enough, I'll hold them off." Ha, no I won't.

"Sorry, I just thought, with the captain issuing out I'd throw in my name for consideration. Sorry!" He ran back to stand next to Ravioli who comfortingly patted his shoulder.

"I'd vote for you."

"Wow, Pinto you should feel proud, the man who loses his eye says he'd vote for you. Ravioli, you'd vote for a crab if it told Tia Dolma it was running." Both men glared at me, but I just smiled. It's not my fault, they're both retarded. When I turned back to the fighting 'captains' I almost face planted. Barbossa had pulled his telescope, the one you look out at far distances-keep your mind out of the gutters!-, Jack also pulled his out, only his was half the size. 'BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHH!!!"

'What are ye laughing at child?" Barbossa snarled snapping his telescope closed; Jack doing the same.

"Ahah. Nothing. Bahaha. Sorry, it's just I wonder, is that supposed to be some type of Phallic symbol?" They're chins hit the floor.

"You know what that is?" I turned and punched Legolas in the back of the head.

"Just because I wasn't raised in royalty does not mean I don't have to intelligence to know what a Phallic symbol is. Or any other literary term for that matter. It's merely common knowledge."

"Really....?" I would hit him again if he wasn't so cute.; although, that growing smirk is somewhat of a turn off.

"Oh sod off you bloody Elf." I turned back to the men in question, they're mouths still wide open. "What, you don't know what that is either?" They shook their heads. "Oh, well that ruins the entire joke. Forget I asked. Now, you might want to close your mouths before some bird mistakes them for bird baths." They didn't move. "NOW REALLY! Is it really that surprising that I possess some sort of intelligence?OK, you know what, don't answer that." I hate them all; Legolas chuckled before slowly sliding his arm around my waist and pulling me to him.

"Don't get angry. It is only that, we've never been shown, your...." I whirled around, staring at Legolas begging him to continue, he paused and gave a nervous laugh.

"Oh don't do it. She'll eat you alive!" Jack shouted running over. I scowled at Legolas and Jack before marching down into the lower part of the ship; half way down the stairs I heard Elizabeth and Will whispering. They always provide the best of entertainment.

"You left Jack to the Kraken." Good job Will, at least we know you're listening skills are up to par, as for everything else.....

"He's rescued now, it's done with. Will, I had no choice." Elizabeth turned from Will cradling her right arm. If it's hard for her to tell him this, I wonder what would happen if I mentioned she did it by kissing him?

"You chose not to tell me." Hear we go, and the drama unfolds, again. Always with these two I swear.

"Esme I-"

"SHHHHH! Look!" I pulled the unprepared Legolas under the stairs with me and pointed at the two humans who were looking suspiciously in our direction. "You are too loud."

"Are you eavesdropping again."He tried to look stern but I waved it off before peeking around the corner at the two who had finally decided there wasn't anything there.

"I couldn't. It wasn't your burden to bear."

"Oh no she did not." Legolas whispered, I gave him a weird look, he just shrugged before pointing back at the action.

"But I did bear it didn't I? I just didn't know what it was. I thought…" Que male angst moment. He turned his head and inhaled, she gasped.

"You thought I loved him. " She stood there staring at him for a good five minutes, before turning and trying to walk past him. I cursed and slowly edged towards these barrels behind us, Legolas followed. Right as she past him, Will grabbed her and turned her to face him.

"Just kiss her damn it." I muttered ignoring the 'shh!' I got from Legolas.

"If you make your choices alone, how can I trust you?" She just looked at him before quickly transferring her eyes to the ground.

"You can't." With that she jerked her arm away and quickly ran up the stairs; Will slammed his hand on the beam before staring into the darkness. I unfortunately took that moment to trip over the barrel that I had been trying to reach; he wheeled around glaring. Legolas and I just waved and smiled; that glare he's got going on is a little frightening.

"It there was ever a time to run, my dear, it would be now." I muttered to Legolas, still smiling at Will, before edging to the stairs and then flat out sprinting. Some how Will caught me.

"How dare you!"" He shouted spitting in my face. "how long were you there?" I smiled trying to pry his hand from my collar.

"Uhh, not long?" He snarled and leaned in closer; before I felt some shadow cover us, he glanced upward and blanched.

'I would remove your hands from her collar, if I were you." Will gave a nervous chuckle before slowly removing his vice grip on my shirt and patted it down, before quickly bowing and running the opposite direction; I turned to get a face full of chest.

"You know, Leggy dear, I would have been just find." He tensed at his nickname before slowly wrapping his arms around me and looking down.

'I know, I just like watching him squirm." He blanched before looking at me again. "Did I really say that?"

"Oh yeah. You've really been around me too long." He nodded before blinking his eyes. I just laughed and kissed his temple before walking away. Poor elf, picking up some of my worst habits, ahah.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Ugh! " I turned to find, Ravioli quickly retreating from his fishing net.

'Seriously man, it can not be that heavy." I rolled my eyes and went to grab before I squealed and jumped back. He just gave me a look before peering back over the rail, it took everything I had not to push him over. "Um, Legolas! I see dead people!" I shouted pointing over the rail; I heard him scoff. "No really! Not like those creepy green slimy ghosts Aragorn found, real live dead people! Ok, you know what, that was not what I meant.." By then Ravioli and Pinto were staring at me. "Forget it."

"Eerie. That's downright macabre." I turned and glared at him.

'Oh, so he can get away with saying something smart! That's real funny you guys!" Pinto just glared at me.

"I wonder what would happen if you dropped a cannonball on one of 'em." I turned smiling at Ravioli.

"Sometimes, I feel like I could hug you. But then I remember how gross you are, and refrain from it." I continued smiling at him before running off to get one. When I came back the two of them were still staring down at the water.

" Be disrespectful it would. " Ravioli and I turned to glare at Pinto; I saw he wasn't looking at us, and turned to find Tia Dolma creeping up behind us; what a lurker.

"Of course fish woman has come to rain on our parade, maybe we should ask her if she wants to do it?" They both quickly shook their heads, I just rolled my eyes before turning back to face her.

"They should be in the care of Davy Jones. That was the duty him was charged with by the goddess Calypso. To ferry those who die at sea to the other side, and every ten years him could come ashore to be with she who love him, truly. But the man has become a monster."

"Well, does that mean he wasn't always, a freak of nature (all tentacle-y?)" Tia glared at me and Ravioli respectively before turning back to watch the floating dead.

"No, him was a man, once."

"Oh Eru, there you go again with the wrong pronouns in the wrong places. Sweet Valor woman, learn grammar! Even I know better grammar than you! Eruuu!" I huffed before storming past the glaring woman. Seriously, and people think I'm stupid.

"Now it's boats coming." I wheeled back around before running back over the rail, knocking Tia over, accidentally, of course.

"They are not a threat to us then?" I jumped, throwing myself into Ravioli's arms, until I realized whose they were and threw myself back on the ground.

'Would it really hurt to announce your arrival sometimes?" I snapped brushing my tunic off; Will pointedly ignored me. I knew I never liked him.

"We are nothing but ghosts to them."Tia replied, staring wistfully out to the boats. Does that mean she wants to be in one? I mean, that's just strange.

"I guess that knocks out trying to to drop cannonballs on them." Pinto muttered, I turned to stare at him.

"Really, cause I thought it proved our point." He jumped and Ravioli glared at me.

"He was only saying!"

"Is best just let them be. "

"WHERE DO YOU KEEP COMING FROM?!?! HOLES!" I shouted stomping my foot. That's the second time that's happened in like five minutes.

"You're an elf Esme, unless you've forgotten, that means you're supposed to hear us coming." I jerked away from Legolas screaming holding my hands up to protect myself; he just chuckled before I pushed him.

"Doesn't mean I'm going to do it; I mean in all the adventures we've had together, have I ever heard anyone coming?"

"She has a point lad." Legolas merely glared at Jack.

"Of course I did, I always have them."

"LOOK THERE'S MY FATHER! It's my father, we've made it back. Father here, look here!" She ran along the side waving her arms like a lunatic; and then she fell! No, I'm just kidding, I only wish she would've, maybe if I-

"Esme...what are you plotting?" Legolas asked crossing his arms and giving me a stern glare.

'Was it that obvious?" Nod. "Phooey."

"Elizabeth, we're not back." Jack sighed exasperatedly; before leaning next to me. "It's like she hasn't even heard the conversation we've been having for the past five minutes on how they're dead. How else do you explain it? I mean really, do we need to shoot him to prove the point." I stifled my snigger with my fist before coughing at the glare Will sent me; I just stuck my tongue out at him when he turned around.

"Father!" Elizabeth was smiling and waving her arms over her head trying to get his attention. It took about ten minutes before the old fart turned to look at her.

"Elizabeth, are you dead?"

"Don't we all wish..." SMACK. I turned to glare at Will, rubbing the back of my head. "That was RUDE." He just glared at me again before turning back to Elizabeth who was still holding a conversation with her dead father.

"Oh, no,no." She smiled.

"I think I am." I rushed forward my eyebrows at my hair line.

'You think? What do you mean you think? That's should be the one thing you can tell you old fart! I mean seriously, how can you only THINK you're dead. That makes no se-" Legolas has taken back to his old habit of cutting my flow of speech off with his hand, and smiling. Elizabeth was shooting daggers in my direction. I mean but seriously, how can you only think you're dead; I mean what, you just wake up one morning 'I'm going to play in the middle of a war, get sliced in half, and THINK I'm dead. It's merely a flesh wound.' Ridikolous.

"NO, you can't be!" Elizabeth flipped her wrist at him smiling. Legolas muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Dear Eru, why am I surround by idiots!'. I just smirked.

"There was this chest, you see. And a heart. At the time it seemed so important. " Somehow, he managed to completely ignored my rant about his death, and continued on in his little flash back world.

"Come aboard." Oh Eru, not both of them.

"Somehow, I don't really believe that's a good idea." I mumbled, Legolas just shrugged; 'I don't think I'd be able to handle TWO Swanns on this boat. One is plenty too many already." I received a boot to the head courtesy of Will, and if Legolas hadn't chose that moment to place me in a vice grip, he would be overboard with the other dead.

"Learned that if you stab the heart, yours must take its place. Sail the seas for eternity. The Dutchman must always have a captain. Silly thing to die for." You can say that again.

"Someone cast a line! " Marty handed her a rope, and shrugged at my glare.

"Are you really gonna help bring him aboard, really?" I asked seething, Elizabeth sent me a withering glare that I stuck my tongue out at.

'A touch of destiny." Tia whispered to Will. Everyone paused and looked at her, blinking.

"And just what, may I ask, does that mean?' I shrugged at her, placing my hands on my hips. She thought for a moment before shrugging; my face came in contact with the floor. "Really? Then why say it? It lost it's suspenseful feel that last HUNDRED times you used it!" I shouted ignoring the looks I was receiving from Elizabeth. Tia just glared at me before huffing and crossing her arms. Seriously....they're all delusional!

"Take the line!" Elizabeth shouted before throwing the rope no where, I mean NO where, near the boat, reeled it back in and did it again. We sat snickering at her a good five minutes before Will finally took pity and threw the rope out to the boat on his own; I sent him furtive glares every now and then. I saw him flinching knowing he felt them.

"Elizabeth, I'm so proud of you. " Sure, about now seems right for random endearing comments, alright...?

"Father, the line, take the line!" She started screaming following him up to the stern of the ship. Too bad the ropes to far away for him to use now.

"She must not leave the ship!" Tia Dolma shouted, Will ran to grab her.

'Why, what would happen if she 'accidentally' fell over board?" I asked sidling up to stand beside Tia Dolma, she just glared at me before marching away; I mocked her until she turned to glare at me.

"Father, come back with us! I won't leave you! " Elizabeth shouted still trying to reach him. I feel a sweat drop coming.

"Elizabeth!' Will shouted pulling her away from the rail.

"I'll give your love to your mother, shall I? " Her father replied waving, Elizabeth let loose a torrent of loud annoying sobs.

"Well- SOB-That's- SOBBB- Annoyingly-HACKCOUGHSOB-REALLY!!!" I screamed at her, she just continued to scream; Well sent me a glare before turning to Tia Dolma who was shaking her head.

"Is there a way? " Will's entire body was shaking with the force of Elizabeth's cries. I bet she was faking too.

"Him at peace." I sighed and threw my hands up.

"See there you go again, you saying 'him' instead of 'he is' doesn't do anything for the dramatic effect. I'm sorry, you just sound like an uncultured idiot. Seriously, correct grammar can get you places."

I'm starting to think Legolas' smile is the only reason I haven't been beaten to a bloody pulp every time I say something like that.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Why is all but the rum gone? " Pinto groaned staring up into the blazing sun, then starting and turned back rubbing his eyes furiously.

"I didn't think you could really see?" I asked scratching my head, he just shot me a look.

"The rum's gone too." Pinto and Ravioli groaned again; Gibbs gave a bittersweet smile,

"Oh no! You're poor things! No alcoholic beverages for you to partake upon, Whatever are you going to do?" I screamed shaking my fists at the heavens.

"You're mean." Pinto snapped.

'Why thank you." I gave him a roughish grin.

"If we cannot escape these doldrums by nightfall, I fear we will sail trackless seas, doomed to roam the reach between worlds...forever." I whirled to face Tia Dolma, who met my glare with one of her own.

"Do you really, have to be so morbid? I mean really, we're already anguishing the loss of the rum, do you really have to add that? I mean seriously, be a little considerate, we actually have feelings unlike the crustacean's you talk to." She glared; I gave her a cheeky grin before I felt something pinch my toe, I looked down to see a ferocious looking crab with a hold on the toe of my boat. I gave a scream before jumping around waving my foot.

"GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OOFFFFF!!!!""" I was swinging around and screaming, Pinto and Ravioli were guffawing. That had to be an interesting sight.

"What are you screaming about now you anno-"At that moment the crab decided to let go of my boat and flew straight into Barbossa's mouth. The glare he gave me was worse than Gandalf's and that's saying something. "Esme!!" He threw the crab on the floor and started stalking towards me.

"Ummm, hehe, SORRY GOT TO GO BYE!" I shouted sprinting off to hide behind Legolas who popped up looking confused from the book he was reading. "Would you really say this was the time to read?"

'It provides much more intellectual stimulation than this lot." He smiled at my grimace before catching sight of Barbossa. 'What did you do?"

"Why does everyone always think it's me? I mean, what have I done to make you think that?"

"Would you like to me to name three, or give you the list?" Legolas just smirked at my glare before kissing my forehead.

"Neither would be fantastic.

"With no water, forever seems to be arriving a mite too soon." Gibbs commented shaking his head.

'Question! How is everyone able to remain on topic when I'm about to be murdered by a twice born captain?"

'Reminds me of the day I made Glorfindel angry." Legolas sighed obviously reverting to flashback mode, I stared at him.

"Just how does this remind you of that?"

"He was a twice born Balrog slayer."

"Blondeelfsaywhat?" I asked scratching my head.

-Across Ship-

"Why doesn't he do something." Will asked squinting in the direction of Barboosa, who was in the middle of chasing Esmeralda across the boat; she was screaming while he continued to grind his teeth.

"Esme threw Tia Dolma's crabs at him." Jack replied cleaning his teeth with one of his dagger's, Will shivered.

"She touched them? How did she get them? God, if I was Barbossa I would be more concerned with getting rid of them than payback." Jack raised his eyebrows, giving Will a confused look.

"What are you talking about?"

"You said Esme threw Tia Dolma's crabs on Barbossa. That's disgusting, I was under the impression both ladies were quite heterosexual." Jack made a face of recognition before busting into laughter heard across the boat.

-Back With Esme-

"Huh, wonder what they're laughing at?" I paused for a moment in our chase and ducked over to retie the lace of my boot that had come undone; Barbosa must not of noticed because he kept going before he tripped and hit his head on the stairs. "Ouch, he's not gonna be happy when he wakes up. Come Legolas, let's go before he awakens." I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the still laughing Jack. Once he saw me, he burst into another peal of laughter. Will just backed away. "What?"

"Whew, I was telling Will here about you throwing one of Tia Dolma's crabs on Barbossa, and he thought I meant _those_ crabs." I cocked my head to the side.

"Which are _those _ crabs? I only saw the sea creature-oh-oh Eru. That's nasty. That's absolutely disgusting. I think I'm gonna hurl .Ewww. EWWWW. Blech!! How could you think that Will? Eww, you're mind is in the gutter and that is disturbing. Eww. She has those?" I shuddered causing Jack to laugh again, Will just blushed.

"Well, he didn't specify which kind, so I assumed when he said-"

"What sea dweller assume that? I"m not into women you idiotic man. Seriously, you need to sort your priorities out mate." I shuddered again before leaning over the railing, and throwing up.

"I apologize, it was a terrible assumption." Jack and Legolas were now leaning against each other guffawing, I glared at them before knocking them both over.

"Apology accepted." He smiled at me, I just winked at him.

"Me eye! Give it back! " Ravioli ran past me chasing that stupid monkey who sounded like he was laughing at him.

"That's right! Tell him whose boss!' I shouted before laughing; he's never gonna get that back.

"There's no sense to it. " We all turned to Gibbs who merely raised his eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?"

"Earlier, Will asked why Barbossa didn't do something about our predicament. So I answered him." We all fell over at his ridiculous deadpan. Ok, so it was only him that could return to the subject before a distraction.

'You have, quite, a strong attention span." I commented clapping him on the shoulder, he just shrugged.

"Well, continuing on that note; the green flash happens at sunset, not sunrise" I lied, they all can. Even Will.

"OVER THE EDGE...it's drivin' me over the bloomin' edge. Sunrises don't set. "

"Were you trying to make a punny joke? It didn't work." I sat shaking my head at his glare. 'Just trying to help you man."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"UP IS DOWN. Well that's just maddeningly unhelpful. Why are these things never clear?" I turned to find Jack staring at the charts and shaking his head. "Come again? "

"No one said anything Jack." I stated walking towards him.

"Well that's more than less than unhelpful. "

"No need to get an attitude, I was just telling you no one said anything. No reason to get angry Jack." I huffed crossing my arms.

"I love the sea." I scratched my head, and gave him a funny look.

"That's grand Jack. It would be mighty ironic if you were a pirate and hated the sea..."

"Prefer rum. Rum's good."

"Oh, well, I suppose it's a good thing you always have lots of rum aboard then." I nodded my head and leaned against the rail in front of him; he didn't even look at me.

"Once every ten years "

"You only stock up once every ten years? Eru, how much do you buy?" Still no response.

"Even longer given the deficit of rum "

"What?" He is completely delusional. Completely. "Are you even listening to me?" I waved my hand in his face he didn't move. Perfect. I pulled out a little face paint marker and had at his face. Not long after I drew Elizabeth being eaten by the Kraken did he pop out of his daydream. I quickly threw the brush over board and smiled at his confused look. He just shrugged and turned to the charts.

"Not sunset, sundown...and rise. ' He flipped the charts and made a noise of understanding before walking past the table to the rail. "UP! Oh, what's that? " I ran over to look where he was pointing there was nothing there.

"Jack, there's nothing there."

"What's that? I don't know, what IS that? What do you think?" He gave me a look, and then pointed at the charts that were now upside down.

"Ohhhhh, now I get it." I gave him a roughish grin before turning to the crew. "Kind of looks like, something blue and shiny."

"Where?" Elizabeth shouted staring at us. I stared at her, let's see, the ocean?

"There!"

"What is it?' She continued to look. Jack ran back to the other side and pointed again.

"It's huge!" I shouted pointing out at the ocean. The others came running over.

"Where is it!" Will shouted glaring at us. Legolas merely shook his head and sat right in the middle. He would decided to make this sometime of ride. At that moment Ravioli's eye cam rolling to him; he grimaced at it before picking it up. Barbossa grabbed it, licked it, and then stuck it back into it's socket. I think I just barfed.

"Oh Eru! It's moving! OTHER SIDE!" I shouted sprinting to the other side, Jack following me.

"What in God's good name is it!" Gibbs shouted huffing over to the side. Can they honestly not figure out that I'm talking about the ocean?

'How can you miss it!? It's right there?" I snickered at their confused looks. Then Pinto gave Jack and I a look before looking back at the running crew.

"He's rockin' the ship." I ran down and gave him a high five before running across the deck again.

"We're rockin' the ship!" Corrected Gibbs smiling at Jack, who was still unaffected.

"Aye, he's onto it." Barbossa gave us all a grin that said "I knew it all along, I just wanted Jack to figure it out." Load of codswallop to me.

"He's rockin the ship." If I wasn't in the middle of trying to turn a ship over I might be a tad worry about his intelligence. Then again, when am I never not worried about it?

"We'll tie each other to the mast, upside down, so when the boat flips, we'll be the right way up. " Ravioli stated still running with us; Pinto smiled at him.

'Are they honestly that stupid." I jumped out of my skin before I heard the all too familiar chuckle. "Sorry, I always forget how...jumpy...you are."

"Oh har har Legolas." I shouted back at him racing across the deck again. The thing was slowly coming higher each time; and getting harder for the humans to run against. "How much you wanna bet someone falls off?" Legolas raised his eyebrow at me.

"Surely you don't think I would participate in such un-elf-like conduct?" The corner's of his lips twitched at my scoffing.

'Oh that's right, I forgot."

"You know, Royalty and all." I rolled my eyes and kept running. "But I can still say who I think will fall first." I gave him a look before shaking my head.

"Isn't that gambling still?"

"Not if I don't put any wages on it.."I rolled my eyes and kept running.

"You royalty and your loopholes." He smirked and kept running

"Time it with the swell. "Barbossa ran past Legolas and I to get to the lower deck; I could still hear him clearly from the top. "Loose the cannons, you stinking bilge rats! Unstow the cargo, let it shift! " I then heard all the cannons and cannonballs rolling around below the deck. Then I heard the unmistakable crunch of someone getting smashed.

'Ouch, that'll leave a mark." Legolas just rolled his eyes. We were all still panting trying to run up the slightly more vertical deck, the others more than Legolas and I. 'Good thing we had that ridiculous training with Aragorn that long while ago." I whispered trying to keep my breathing steady. Legolas just laughed before nodding, even he was sounding a little winded.

"HOLD ONNNN!!!" I heard some one shout before I grabbed a hold of the railing, Legolas wrapping himself around me; I just rolled my eyes at him.

"Now up is down." Jack smirked before grabbing the rail and standing like he was the king. I merely shook my head and braced myself for the immersion.

"Jack, what's that you've got on your face?"

**Author's Note:** Soooo, what do you think? Likey? Well, there you go! Sayonara!


End file.
